The department that turned firing into a growth opportunity.
A policy that sounds modern and progressive while actually meaning 'you can work from home sometimes as long as we can surveil you differently.'
A U.S. law entitling eligible employees to unpaid, job-protected leave for family or medical reasons—the loophole everyone uses when they need to escape the office for a while.
The specific skills and knowledge that make someone valuable in their role. Not the things you're pretending to be good at on LinkedIn.
Arrangements allowing employees to work at different times or locations. Theoretically gives you freedom; practically often means working from everywhere at all hours.
The process of identifying and assessing the skills and competencies required for specific roles—essentially, a detailed way to prove someone isn't qualified for a promotion.
A proposed work movement where employees do only the bare minimum on Mondays—simultaneously more honest and more threatened by management.
An approach to career advancement where women actively pursue leadership despite systemic obstacles. Made famous by Sheryl Sandberg and also somewhat controversial.
The time it takes a new employee to reach full productivity. It's the polite way of saying 'you're useless for the first three months.'
The state of sticking together or working as one unit—what HR desperately hopes team-building exercises will achieve.
A development practice where employees temporarily move between different roles or departments to build broader skills and understanding. Cross-training disguised as career development.
The corporate ritual of exchanging money for human labor, dressed up with multiple interview rounds and culture-fit assessments. In HR and recruitment, hiring is the art of finding someone qualified who'll accept your salary range and tolerate your company culture. It's what happens after weeks of ghosting candidates and making them complete unpaid 'projects' to prove their worth.
An HR metric attempting to quantify how good new employees are, as if human value can be reduced to a number. It's typically calculated long after hiring decisions haunt you.
A vague promise in job postings that usually means below-market salary plus benefits everyone else offers anyway. It's competitive only if you're comparing against companies actively trying to underpay people.
The corporate euphemism for firing someone, borrowed from the Terminator franchise to make HR sound more badass than they actually are. Can mean to end anything incompletely, but let's be honest—in business contexts, it's the word your manager uses right before security escorts you out. Also works for killing things, which really doesn't help its workplace PR.
Corporate revenge served cold, usually in the form of passive-aggressive performance reviews or mysterious project reassignments. The art of professionally getting even without technically breaking any rules. Think of it as workplace karma with a paper trail.
The official HR term for "things employees are pissed about," ranging from legitimate workplace violations to deeply felt parking spot disputes. These formal complaints trigger processes, investigations, and enough paperwork to deforest a small nation. In unionized environments, grievances are practically an art form with their own procedures and timelines.
The number of days between when a candidate enters your pipeline and when they accept an offer, measuring recruitment efficiency. Different from 'time to fill' which starts when the requisition opens—HR loves having multiple confusing metrics.
To play referee between feuding parties without the whistle, attempting to negotiate peace through diplomacy rather than letting them duke it out in court or the parking lot. Mediators are the Switzerland of conflict resolution—neutral, patient, and hoping both sides can adult their way to a settlement. It's counseling meets diplomacy meets "can we all just get along?"
A performance evaluation technique where managers document specific examples of effective and ineffective employee behaviors throughout the review period. Basically keeping receipts, but for HR purposes.
The department responsible for making employees smarter, usually with outdated online courses they completed at 1 AM on their last day of the quarter.
The department that simultaneously manages payroll, health insurance, 401k plans, and the mounting resentment from employees who discover their insurance covers virtually nothing.
An affinity group for employees sharing demographics or interests, which provides community while corporations get free diversity initiatives without actually changing anything.
A derogatory term for a union-busting scab who refused to strike with their fellow workers, thereby condemning them to continue toiling. Picture the ultimate workplace traitor with a stick where their spine should be.
A deep-seated resentment that someone carries like a designer handbag—expensive, burdensome, and weirdly important to their identity. Holding a grudge is basically paying interest on a debt you've decided to never collect.