The department that turned firing into a growth opportunity.
Key Performance Indicator: a number that determines your worth as a human being every quarter. The corporate equivalent of a video game score, except nobody is having fun and the prizes are just more KPIs.
A life insurance policy taken out by a company on critical employees whose death would cause significant financial loss. Your employer literally betting on how much your demise would cost them.
The process of documenting and sharing expertise from one employee to others, typically when someone leaves. It's the scramble to extract 20 years of wisdom into a PowerPoint deck during someone's last two weeks.
An employee whose primary job involves creating, distributing, or applying knowledge rather than manual labor. Basically anyone whose work can be done while wearing pajamas on Zoom.
Quantifiable measurements used to evaluate employee or departmental success—basically, the metrics management obsesses over while ignoring everything else.
A derogatory term for a union-busting scab who refused to strike with their fellow workers, thereby condemning them to continue toiling. Picture the ultimate workplace traitor with a stick where their spine should be.
Measurable metrics that track employee or company performance. They're how HR translates 'are you doing your job?' into data.