Definition

Key Performance Indicator: a number that determines your worth as a human being every quarter. The corporate equivalent of a video game score, except nobody is having fun and the prizes are just more KPIs.

Example Usage

"Your KPIs are looking soft this quarter, Jenkins," said the manager, wielding a spreadsheet like a disappointed parent holding a report card.

Related Terms

Intermediate

linkage

A fancy corporate term for 'connection' that makes simple relationships sound more impressive in strategy presentations and consultant reports. It refers to how different things—processes, systems, incentives, or metrics—are mechanically or conceptually connected to produce outcomes, usually in ways that require extensive PowerPoint diagrams to explain. In executive meetings, establishing linkage between your project and revenue somehow makes budget requests more persuasive.

💼 Corporate / Business
Beginner

lateral move

A job change to a position at the same organizational level, typically for skill development or career pivoting. A promotion in learning opportunities only, with identical compensation.

👥 Human Resources
Beginner

probation

The corporate world's version of "we're not sure about you yet," a trial period where new employees walk on eggshells while pretending everything is fine. It's essentially dating before marriage, except instead of meeting the parents, you're trying to prove you won't accidentally reply-all to the CEO. One wrong move and you're out faster than you can say "cultural fit."

👥 Human Resources
Intermediate

KNMM

A middle manager who achieved their position through sheer luck, political maneuvering, or simply not being fired yet—armed with no actual competence, decision-making ability, or understanding of the work they oversee. They're the bureaucratic void between leadership and reality.

💼 Corporate / Business
Intermediate

nine-box grid

A talent assessment tool that plots employees on performance versus potential, creating nine categories from 'star' to 'why are they still here?' It's how companies decide who gets promoted and who gets managed out, all on a tidy 3x3 grid.

👥 Human Resources
Beginner

Flexible Working

Working whenever, wherever you want—as long as it's basically 9-5 in your home office instead of the corporate office.

👥 Human Resources

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