The department that turned firing into a growth opportunity.
Any employment decision that negatively affects a candidate or employee based on background check information, requiring specific legal notifications under the FCRA. It's when your past catches up with you in triplicate forms.
A legal contract outlining the terms of an employment exit, typically trading severance payments for liability releases and non-disparagement promises. It's a divorce settlement for your job.
A performance evaluation technique where managers document specific examples of effective and ineffective employee behaviors throughout the review period. Basically keeping receipts, but for HR purposes.
The HR euphemism for firing someone that sounds vaguely threatening, like something Arnold Schwarzenegger would say before shooting a robot. Companies use this word because apparently 'fired' sounds too honest and 'let go' makes it sound like you're releasing a butterfly into the wild. When your employment is terminated, you're technically ended, ceased, and discontinued—which is exactly how your career feels in that moment.
A formal document outlining an employee's deficiencies and expectations for improvement—basically a 30-90 day grace period before termination.
The collection of non-salary benefits and amenities companies offer, from gym memberships to free snacks. Often used to distract from below-market compensation with ping pong tables and kombucha on tap.
Job applicants who disappear mid-process without explanation, failing to show up for interviews or accept offers. Turnabout is fair play, given how companies ghost candidates, though HR finds it less amusing when the tables turn.
A document showing your salary plus all the benefits, hoping you'll feel rich when you see your 'total compensation' even though most of it isn't actual money. It's HR's way of saying 'you're not underpaid, look at all this health insurance we provide!'
An unscheduled performance evaluation that either means you're getting promoted immediately or fired quickly. The suspense is the worst part.
A vague promise in job postings that usually means below-market salary plus benefits everyone else offers anyway. It's competitive only if you're comparing against companies actively trying to underpay people.
Marking employees whose pay exceeds the maximum for their grade or band, typically freezing their raises until the range catches up. It's being punished for making too much money, bureaucracy-style.
Evaluating candidates on demonstrable abilities rather than credentials or pedigree, theoretically democratizing access to jobs. It's the 'show, don't tell' approach to recruiting, though execution varies wildly.
The reassignment of an employee to a lower-level position with reduced responsibilities, authority, or pay. The corporate walk of shame, now with paperwork.
An employee whose primary job involves creating, distributing, or applying knowledge rather than manual labor. Basically anyone whose work can be done while wearing pajamas on Zoom.
An affinity group for employees sharing demographics or interests, which provides community while corporations get free diversity initiatives without actually changing anything.
A derogatory term for a union-busting scab who refused to strike with their fellow workers, thereby condemning them to continue toiling. Picture the ultimate workplace traitor with a stick where their spine should be.
The total financial and non-financial benefits offered to an employee—salary, benefits, PTO, and whatever other things we're offering to make up for mediocre pay.
Working from outside the traditional office environment—the benefit everyone demanded until management decided it's a privilege to be revoked.
An approach to career advancement where women actively pursue leadership despite systemic obstacles. Made famous by Sheryl Sandberg and also somewhat controversial.
Short, focused training sessions (typically 5-15 minutes) rather than long courses. It's education for people whose attention span matches their TikTok usage.
The time it takes a new employee to reach full productivity. It's the polite way of saying 'you're useless for the first three months.'
The process of identifying and assessing the skills and competencies required for specific roles—essentially, a detailed way to prove someone isn't qualified for a promotion.
When your current employer suddenly matches or exceeds a job offer you've accepted elsewhere. It's the corporate equivalent of 'wait, don't leave, I do love you.'
Informal team meetings where employees vent frustrations. It's therapy, but cheaper and potentially documented.