The department that turned firing into a growth opportunity.
An internal system where employees can browse and bid on projects, which is essentially a gig economy inside your own company but with even less job security.
A benefits program allowing employees to choose from various options like a cafeteria line, allocating dollars across health insurance, retirement, and other perks. Provides choice while ensuring everyone complains about different things.
The process of confirming a candidate's work history, job titles, and dates of employment with previous employers. Fact-checking that reveals approximately 40% of resumes contain 'creative embellishments.'
Fair and impartial in a way that considers everyone's circumstances, not just treating everyone identically like some kind of corporate robot. It's the difference between giving everyone the same size ladder and giving everyone what they need to reach the same height. In legal contexts, it refers to principles of fairness that supplement rigid law with actual justice.
A staffing agency that provides temporary workers with minimal screening or quality control, treating employees as interchangeable units rather than individuals. The Walmart of human resources, if you will.
Fair Labor Standards Act—the 1938 federal law establishing minimum wage, overtime pay, and child labor standards. It's the reason you get paid extra for working more than 40 hours, assuming your employer classifies you correctly.
The delicate art of two or more parties pretending they have more options than they actually do until someone blinks first. In HR contexts, it's the formal dance between employer and employee where both sides know the salary range but spend weeks acting surprised by each other's numbers. Mastery of this skill requires equal parts poker face, patience, and the ability to say 'let me think about it' convincingly.
An employee who jumps ship to work for the competition, usually taking trade secrets, client lists, and the good coffee machine pods with them. In corporate circles, defectors are simultaneously reviled by their former employers and celebrated by their new ones—at least until they defect again. The term carries a whiff of Cold War espionage, which is frankly appropriate given how HR treats these situations.
The legally prohibited but distressingly common practice of punishing employees who dare to complain about workplace issues, report violations, or otherwise make waves. What starts as someone raising a legitimate concern about safety or discrimination mysteriously transforms into performance reviews that suddenly go south, convenient budget cuts to their department, or being assigned to the office next to the server room. HR departments have entire training modules on how not to do this, which tells you everything about how often it happens.
An environment where dysfunction, harassment, or terrible management makes every day feel like an endurance test. It's where people develop Sunday scaries on Monday and check job boards during lunch breaks.
A manager who still does individual contributor work while managing others, essentially two jobs for slightly more than one salary. It sounds empowering but usually means you're understaffed.
Someone who has successfully escaped the corporate hamster wheel and now spends their days pretending to be busy with hobbies while secretly napping. The ultimate goal of every employee who's sat through one too many pointless meetings. They're living proof that there is, in fact, life after email.
A choreographed conversation where one person asks questions and the other pretends their weaknesses are actually strengths. In the corporate world, it's a ritual where both parties lie professionally—one about loving "dynamic environments" and the other about "competitive compensation." The outcome is usually determined in the first five minutes, but both sides politely continue the charade for another 45.
The anthropological term for when cultures collide and one (usually the smaller or newer one) starts adopting the customs, values, and Starbucks preferences of the other. It's the process immigrants and minority groups experience when adapting to a dominant culture, or what happens when your startup gets absorbed by a corporate giant. Think cultural osmosis, but with power dynamics.
The reassignment of an employee to a lower-level position with reduced responsibilities, authority, or pay. The corporate walk of shame, now with paperwork.
Family and Medical Leave Act—U.S. legislation allowing employees unpaid leave for medical/family reasons. It's generous by American standards, which is sad.
Arrangements allowing employees to work at different times or locations. Theoretically gives you freedom; practically often means working from everywhere at all hours.
The process of bringing an international expatriate employee back to their home country office. Often involves culture shock in reverse.
An informal HR approach to quickly checking in with someone or tapping them for information or work.
The mythical pot of money your employer promises to give you after decades of service, assuming the company still exists and hasn't discovered creative ways to restructure it away. It's the old-school retirement plan that's slowly going extinct, replaced by 401(k)s that shift all the investment risk to you. Europeans still have them; Americans mostly have fond memories.
Short for comparative ratio, measuring how an employee's pay compares to the market midpoint for their role. The metric that confirms your suspicions about being underpaid weren't just paranoia.
A financial incentive paid to critical employees to prevent them from jumping ship during uncertain times like mergers, acquisitions, or major restructuring. Essentially bribing people to not abandon the sinking ship—or at least to stay aboard until it reaches port.
A formal document outlining performance deficiencies and required improvements, theoretically offering support but practically serving as termination paperwork. The corporate 'we need to talk' that never ends well.
A payment incentive designed to keep critical employees from leaving during uncertain periods, paid upon reaching a specific future date. Bribery with a vesting schedule.