Retention Strategy

Definition

An elaborate plan to convince employees they actually want to stay, usually involving ping-pong tables and the promise of 'unlimited PTO' that nobody actually uses.

Example Usage

Our retention strategy focuses on professional development and wellness programs, definitely not on competitive salaries.

Origin

Popularized in the 1990s when companies realized losing people was expensive

Fun Fact

The success rate of retention strategies increases inversely with how much money is actually allocated to them

Source: Contemporary HR best practices

Related Terms

Beginner

employment verification

The process of confirming a candidate's work history, job titles, and dates of employment with previous employers. Fact-checking that reveals approximately 40% of resumes contain 'creative embellishments.'

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Beginner

non-exempt

Employees entitled to overtime pay under the Fair Labor Standards Act, typically hourly workers. The classification that means you actually get paid for working extra hours, unlike your salaried colleagues.

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Intermediate

separation agreement

A legal contract outlining the terms of an employment exit, typically trading severance payments for liability releases and non-disparagement promises. It's a divorce settlement for your job.

👥 Human Resources

Beginner

retain

To keep employees from jumping ship to your competitors by offering just enough compensation, culture, or free snacks to make them stay. In HR circles, retention is the art of convincing talented people that the grass isn't actually greener on the other side. It's also what lawyers do when you pay them a retainer—essentially putting them on standby like a professional fire extinguisher.

👥 Human Resources

Advanced

transfer of learning

The application of skills and knowledge gained in training to actual job performance, measuring whether that expensive workshop actually changed behavior. It's the difference between completing the course and actually using what you learned back at your desk.

👥 Human Resources

Beginner

employees

The humans who exchange their time, skills, and sanity for money and the occasional pizza party. Unlike contractors, they're the ones actually entitled to benefits, PTO, and the dubious privilege of attending all-hands meetings. In HR-speak, they're 'talent' or 'human capital,' because calling them 'people we pay' lacks sophistication.

👥 Human Resources

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