The department that turned firing into a growth opportunity.
The fancy French word for "employees" that makes Human Resources sound more sophisticated when discussing the people they're about to reorganize. This term encompasses everyone on the payroll, from interns to executives, united in their shared experience of mandatory compliance training. It's the collective noun that reminds you that you're not a person, you're a resource.
When an employer makes working conditions so intolerable that an employee is forced to resign, legally equivalent to being fired. The corporate version of 'I'm not touching you' until someone quits.
The formal or informal process of haggling over terms, most famously practiced between unions and management in what's delightfully called 'collective bargaining.' It's the workplace equivalent of a medieval negotiation, except instead of horses and land, you're fighting over dental coverage and whether casual Friday should include shorts. Success is measured by how much each side can claim victory while secretly knowing they compromised on everything.
Using data and statistics to make workforce decisions, transforming HR from gut feelings into spreadsheets. It's great until you realize they're tracking your bathroom breaks and email response times.
The process of assigning 'levels' to positions (Junior, Senior, Principal, Distinguished, Supreme Overlord) which have virtually no correlation to actual responsibility or pay.
The financial package given to departing executives (usually millionaires) to 'land softly,' because apparently regular severance isn't generous enough when stock options are involved.
Dividing employees into categories based on strategic value, skills, or roles to differentiate talent strategies—essentially acknowledging that one-size-fits-all HR is ineffective. It's market segmentation applied to your own employees.
Employment practices that appear neutral but disproportionately harm protected groups—essentially discrimination by spreadsheet rather than intent. It's illegal even when accidental, requiring employers to prove business necessity.
The process of being made into a victim through exploitation, oppression, or discrimination, often systematically and repeatedly. In HR and legal contexts, it refers to someone being treated unfairly or punished for asserting their rights, like reporting harassment and then mysteriously being excluded from meetings. It's the term that acknowledges harm has been done and someone needs to answer for it.
The art of making an employee's job so unpleasant they quit voluntarily, avoiding the legal and financial costs of termination. It's constructive dismissal with a euphemistic name and plausible deniability.
Results-Only Work Environment, where employees are evaluated solely on output rather than hours worked or butts in seats. The radical notion that adults can be trusted to manage their own time as long as work gets done.
The reputation and image a company cultivates as a place to work, usually involving glossy marketing that bears little resemblance to actual employee experience. It's catfishing for recruitment.
A framework defining the skills, knowledge, and behaviors required for success in a role or organization. Usually a 47-page document that nobody reads but HR references during performance reviews.
An approach to career advancement where women actively pursue leadership despite systemic obstacles. Made famous by Sheryl Sandberg and also somewhat controversial.
An employee likely to quit soon, typically identified by updating their LinkedIn profile, taking lots of PTO, or suddenly dressing better for work. HR's version of reading tea leaves, but with resume updates.
A legally binding agreement specifying terms of employment including duties, compensation, and termination conditions. Rare in the U.S. where at-will employment reigns, but standard elsewhere in the civilized world.
A person on payroll who doesn't actually exist or no longer works for the company, but continues collecting paychecks through fraud or administrative incompetence. The organizational equivalent of believing in paranormal activity, except the money really does disappear.
When an employment practice disproportionately excludes a protected group, violating discrimination laws even if unintentional. The legal term for 'oops, your hiring process is accidentally racist.'
An interview technique asking candidates to describe specific past situations rather than hypotheticals, based on the radical theory that past behavior predicts future performance. Questions always start with 'Tell me about a time when...'
Employees whose skills, knowledge, or roles are essential to business success and difficult to replace. They're the people who get retention bonuses while everyone else gets 'market adjustments' that don't match inflation.
A compensation strategy that consolidates multiple narrow pay grades into fewer, wider salary ranges. Gives companies more flexibility to pay people whatever they want while claiming they follow a structure.
HR's favorite buzzword for processes that supposedly work across large employee populations without breaking down. In reality, it means copying whatever worked for 50 people to 5,000 and hoping for the best.
An invisible barrier preventing women and minorities from advancing to senior leadership positions, despite qualifications. A metaphor that's unfortunately more durable than glass.
Making an employee's job so miserable they quit voluntarily, thereby avoiding severance obligations and unemployment claims. It's constructive discharge with better PR, often involving workload manipulation, exclusion, or denial of opportunities.