STAT means now. Everything else means consult a specialist.
A minimally invasive procedure where doctors thread a catheter into your blocked arteries and physically widen the narrowed passages—basically the medical equivalent of using a plunger on your cardiovascular system. Often followed by stent insertion to keep things open.
A ceremonial woolen vestment draped over an archbishop's shoulders like a fancy scarf, bestowed by the Pope as a symbol of authority. Also, the mollusc's equivalent of a body wall—nature's way of saying 'wear this, you're official now.'
A whip-like cellular appendage that bacteria and some protists use to propel themselves, basically nature's outboard motor for microscopic creatures.
A hospital-acquired infection that patients didn't have when they checked in—a souvenir from your healthcare provider, complimentary with your stay.
Tissue death caused by ischemia (lack of blood flow), which is basically what happens when blood vessels abandon their duties.
Latin abbreviation for 'pro re nata' (as needed), indicating medication should be taken when necessary rather than on a fixed schedule—basically healthcare's version of 'your call.'
What happens when food, liquid, or vomit goes down the wrong pipe and throws a party in your lungs, inviting bacteria along for the fun. The medical world's reminder that the epiglottis has one job and sometimes fails spectacularly.
Blood in the urine, turning a routine bathroom visit into a medical emergency. Whether microscopic or grossly visible, it's never the color you want to see in the toilet bowl.
In medicine, referring to the controversial practice of diluting substances to microscopic (or non-existent) levels while claiming therapeutic effects. In business slang, sarcastically describing anything so diluted or minimal it's essentially useless. When your boss gives you a "homeopathic" budget increase, you got 0.5%.
The middle child of embryonic tissue layers that grows up to become your muscles, bones, and circulatory system. While the ectoderm gets all the glory (hello, brain and skin) and the endoderm handles the gut work, the mesoderm is literally holding you together. Medical students memorize this during their first anatomy nightmare—er, semester.
The medical removal of dead, damaged, or infected tissue to promote healing of remaining healthy tissue. Essentially spring cleaning for wounds, but with scalpels.
Minimally invasive surgery using small incisions and a camera to visualize and operate inside the abdomen. Surgery through keyholes, because going through the front door is so last century.
The body's aggressive defense response to injury or infection, featuring the classic quartet of redness, heat, swelling, and pain. It's your immune system going to war, with your tissues as collateral damage.
The controlled electrocution of someone's heart to reset its rhythm when it's freaking out and beating chaotically. It's shocking a fibrillating heart back to normal function, preferably before brain damage sets in from lack of oxygen. Basically, it's turning your heart off and on again, except the stakes are slightly higher than rebooting your computer.
The British spelling of hematology, proving that even blood specialists can't agree on vowel placement. It's the study of blood and blood-producing organs, with extra 'a' for that Commonwealth flair. Same diseases, same microscopes, different spelling—medicine's tribute to linguistic diversity.
What happens when you keep a plant in darkness and it becomes a pale, spindly shadow of its former self, desperately stretching toward any hint of light. Botanists use this fancy term instead of saying 'my plant looks like it's dying.' It also works metaphorically for people or ideas that have been deprived of necessary stimulation and become weak and colorless as a result.
A legitimate anatomical term for a circular muscle that controls the opening and closing of a bodily orifice, most commonly referenced in relation to digestive functions. Despite its clinical origins, it's become comedic gold due to the inherently funny nature of bodily function vocabulary.
A medical procedure where doctors literally insert a tiny camera on a stick (called an endoscope) into your body to peek around inside like nosy relatives at Thanksgiving. It's invasive but illuminating, both literally and figuratively.
Medical term for anything involving both your reproductive and urinary systems, since nature decided to make plumbing and recreation share the same pipes. Doctors use this when they want to sound professional while discussing your most private affairs.
The act of breathing out air that your lungs no longer need, expelling carbon dioxide and whatever else your body wants to get rid of. Also called 'letting out a sigh of relief' when your meeting finally ends.
Medical procedures performed by puncturing or otherwise accessing the body through the skin, bypassing the need for major surgery. It's the medical equivalent of taking a shortcut through someone's fence instead of using the gate.
An abnormal hole in an organ (like your stomach deciding it's tired of being contained)—basically when your internal architecture develops an unauthorized skylight.
An adjective describing something situated in, around, or generally in the vicinity of the groin area. A classier way to say 'down there.'
Return of disease symptoms after remission or apparent recovery. When you thought you won and disease said 'plot twist.'