Disrupting disruption with disruptive disruptions since 2010.
An IRS-mandated appraisal of your company's common stock price, required so employees don't accidentally commit tax fraud when exercising options. It's always mysteriously lower than what you tell investors your company is worth.
The magical moment when stock options or retirement contributions officially become yours to keep, transforming from corporate dangling carrot into actual ownership. It's the golden handcuffs' lock clicking shut, ensuring you'll think twice before rage-quitting. The startup world's version of 'you must be this loyal to ride this rocket ship.'
A startup valued at over $1 billion that has never undergone the reality check of going public or getting acquired. Their unicorn status exists purely in the fantasy land of private market valuations.
The unethical practice where brokers excessively trade in a client's account primarily to generate commissions rather than profits, essentially treating your portfolio like a butter-making operation. In SaaS, it refers to the rate at which customers cancel their subscriptions, making it the metric that haunts every startup founder's dreams. Either way, it's excessive activity that benefits someone other than you.
A resilient company that survives on minimal resources and refuses to die despite market conditions that would kill competitors. They're scrappy, resourceful, and nearly impossible to eliminate.
Your strategy for acquiring customers—ranging from 'extremely detailed 50-page document' to 'hope LinkedIn organic works' depending on your VC's patience.
The internal process VCs use to rank portfolio companies or investment opportunities from best to worst. A forced ranking system that ensures someone always gets picked last for dodgeball.
A structural competitive edge that's difficult or impossible for competitors to replicate, like proprietary technology, exclusive partnerships, or regulatory capture. What founders claim to have and what actually exists rarely overlap perfectly.
A financing so dilutive that existing shareholders are essentially wiped out, often following multiple bridge rounds and broken promises. The financial equivalent of starting over but with more emotional baggage.
The VC's cut of investment profits, typically 20% of gains above a certain return threshold. How general partners get rich while limited partners provide the actual money—the ultimate performance fee.
Phantom stock or profit interests that mimic real equity without actually granting ownership, often used to incentivize employees without diluting founders. All the motivation, none of the control.
The minimum annual return (typically 8%) that limited partners receive before general partners can claim carried interest, functioning as a hurdle rate to ensure LPs get paid first. Think of it as making the GP eat their vegetables before getting dessert.
The danger that passing on an investment or accepting certain terms sends negative messages to future investors. In VC, optics matter as much as economics—sometimes you reject money because taking it would look desperate.
The amount of predictable revenue a SaaS company makes yearly—the metric that determines whether you're 'growth' or 'dead.'
An entrepreneur who returns to start another company after their previous venture was acquired or failed. They're either gluttons for punishment or genuinely addicted to the startup lifestyle.
Raising capital from numerous small investors through online platforms, democratizing access to startup investment and the opportunity to lose money on early-stage companies. Kickstarter, but instead of getting a T-shirt, you get illiquid securities.
A pejorative term for investors who swoop in during distressed situations to extract maximum value at founders' expense. The same people who call themselves 'value investors' on their websites.
The lower compensation that employees accept to work at mission-driven startups or in attractive industries like gaming or entertainment. Employers exploit your dreams to underpay you.
A term in VC fund agreements where once LPs get their initial investment back, GPs get an accelerated share of profits until their normal split is reached. Basically letting the manager 'catch up' to their 20% after paying back investors.
Loans provided to venture-backed startups, typically secured by assets or future funding rounds. It's called 'non-dilutive capital,' which really means 'you'll dilute yourself later when you can't pay it back.'
The degree to which a founder's background, skills, and experience align with the problem they're trying to solve. VCs love backing someone who's lived the pain they're addressing.
The magical realm where scientists play God with DNA and investors play roulette with their portfolios. Short for biotechnology, it's the industry that promises to cure cancer, extend your lifespan, and justify obscene R&D budgets—all while burning through cash faster than a lab incinerator. Whether it's CRISPR gene editing or synthetic biology, biotech is where biology meets business and hope meets hype.
The hierarchical order in which different classes of investors get paid during an exit, determined by liquidation preferences from multiple funding rounds. It's a legal game of Jenga where common stockholders usually lose.
The specific order in which investment proceeds are distributed among LPs and GPs based on the fund's legal agreements. It's the pecking order that determines who eats first at the exit feast.