Disrupting disruption with disruptive disruptions since 2010.
The unethical practice where brokers excessively trade in a client's account primarily to generate commissions rather than profits, essentially treating your portfolio like a butter-making operation. In SaaS, it refers to the rate at which customers cancel their subscriptions, making it the metric that haunts every startup founder's dreams. Either way, it's excessive activity that benefits someone other than you.
Past tense of churning, describing customers who've abandoned ship or accounts that have been excessively traded for commissions. In the startup world, it's the past tense of failure—these are the users who tried your product and decided literally anything else was better. When your investors ask about churned customers, it's never a fun conversation.
A financing round where new investors impose harsh terms on existing shareholders who lack the votes to block it. It's democracy in action, if democracy meant 'whoever has the most money wins.'
A provision requiring existing investors to participate in future funding rounds or lose their special privileges. The venture capital equivalent of 'use it or lose it.'
A buyout mechanism where one co-founder can offer to buy out another at a specific price, and the recipient must either sell at that price or buy the offerer's shares at the same price. The nuclear option for irreconcilable founder disputes.
A marketing term VCs use to describe their approach, supposedly indicating fair terms and supportive behavior. In practice, it often means 'we won't screw you quite as hard as the other guys.'
Also called tag-along rights, these allow minority shareholders to join a sale transaction if majority holders are selling their shares. The 'if you're abandoning ship, I'm coming too' clause.
The phenomenon where the worst investment opportunities are most aggressively marketed to investors, while the best deals are oversubscribed and hard to access. If they're begging you to invest, run.
The internal practice at VC firms of writing detailed investment memos that analyze potential deals. Where partners commit their hottest takes to writing so they can be mocked later when wrong.
A startup fundraising round with overwhelming investor demand, usually led by a top-tier firm with multiple others fighting for allocation. The velvet rope nightclub of venture capital.
The rate at which investment opportunities come across a VC's desk. Good deal flow means seeing quality startups before everyone else; bad deal flow means getting pitched by anyone with a Squarespace website and a dream.
Capital set aside by a VC fund to support existing portfolio companies in future rounds. The difference between investing in 20 companies and actually having money to help the 2-3 that work.
The right to invest more than your proportional share in a subsequent round, allowing early investors to increase their ownership. Pro rata's aggressive older sibling who always wants more.
A profitable company designed to generate comfortable income for its founders rather than pursue hypergrowth and venture returns. The entrepreneurial equivalent of choosing happiness over glory.
Vesting acceleration that requires two events—typically an acquisition plus termination—before unvested shares become immediately vested. Single trigger's more reasonable younger sibling.
The internal process VCs use to rank portfolio companies or investment opportunities from best to worst. A forced ranking system that ensures someone always gets picked last for dodgeball.
The first major investor who commits to a fund or round, giving others confidence to follow. Like the first person to dance at a party—everyone was waiting for someone brave (or drunk) enough to start.
Loans provided to venture-backed startups, typically secured by assets or future funding rounds. It's called 'non-dilutive capital,' which really means 'you'll dilute yourself later when you can't pay it back.'
A schedule requiring founders to earn their equity over time, typically 4 years with a 1-year cliff. The investor-imposed acknowledgment that founding a company doesn't mean you'll stick around to build it.
The privilege to attend board meetings without voting power, typically granted to smaller investors or advisors. All the tedious meetings with none of the actual authority—basically a corporate internship.
The strategy for how a fund allocates capital across different investments, stages, sectors, and check sizes. The art of arranging your bets so at least one or two have to work out mathematically.
A referral to an investor through a trusted mutual connection, as opposed to cold outreach. The difference between getting a response and having your email automatically archived.
A delightfully depressing portmanteau describing the growing army of hustlers who call themselves entrepreneurs but are really just unemployed people with a business card and a prayer. These brave souls combine the precarious instability of gig work with the delusion of startup success, making "founder" sound way better than "between opportunities." Welcome to late-stage capitalism's participation trophy.
The modern equivalent of passing the hat, except the hat is a slick website and you're asking thousands of strangers on the internet to fund your dream project, questionable invention, or potato salad. It's democratized investing meets collective optimism meets occasional fraud.