Disrupting disruption with disruptive disruptions since 2010.
Your strategy for acquiring customers—ranging from 'extremely detailed 50-page document' to 'hope LinkedIn organic works' depending on your VC's patience.
A punitive clause forcing existing investors to participate in future rounds or lose their special privileges—the venture capital equivalent of 'put up or shut up.' Popular after market downturns when companies need to separate real believers from fair-weather friends.
An investment strategy of making many small bets across countless startups, hoping a few will hit big enough to compensate for the inevitable carnage. The venture capital equivalent of buying lottery tickets in bulk.
A VC or advisor who has actually built and run companies rather than just invested in them from the sidelines. The startup equivalent of a war veteran versus someone who just played Call of Duty.
Also called tag-along rights, these allow minority shareholders to join a sale transaction if majority holders are selling their shares. The 'if you're abandoning ship, I'm coming too' clause.
Services and resources VC firms provide beyond capital, such as recruiting help, PR support, or customer introductions. Marketing speak that ranges from genuinely useful to completely fictional.
The internal practice at VC firms of writing detailed investment memos that analyze potential deals. Where partners commit their hottest takes to writing so they can be mocked later when wrong.
The rate at which investment opportunities come across a VC's desk. Good deal flow means seeing quality startups before everyone else; bad deal flow means getting pitched by anyone with a Squarespace website and a dream.
When VCs make investment decisions based on superficial similarities to previous successful startups rather than rigorous analysis. It's why they love Stanford dropouts building social apps in their dorm rooms.
Revenue minus cost of goods sold, expressed as a percentage—the fundamental measure of whether your business model makes sense before accounting for all those pesky operating expenses. VCs want this above 70% for SaaS.
Lifetime Value—the total revenue a customer generates before churning, which you compare against acquisition cost to pretend your business makes sense. Usually wildly optimistic because it assumes customers stick around forever.
The soul-crushing moment when a startup issues new shares, and existing shareholders watch their ownership percentage shrink faster than a wool sweater in a hot dryer. While you still own the same number of shares, you now own a smaller slice of the pie—assuming the company actually grows enough to justify the dilution. It's the price founders pay for other people's money, and the reason early employees cry into their vested options.
The magical property where your product becomes more valuable as more people use it—or what every social startup claims to have despite zero evidence. True network effects are rarer than honest user growth numbers.
The theoretical benefit of being first to market, used to justify rushing out half-baked products. History suggests fast-follower advantage is more valuable, but that doesn't sound as impressive in pitch decks.
The glossy sales document that makes every investment opportunity look like the next Amazon and every university look like Hogwarts, carefully balanced between legal obligation and marketing fantasy. In startup land, it's the formal document that transforms 'three guys in a garage with an app idea' into 'disruptive technology platform poised for exponential growth.' Every prospectus contains enough disclaimers to absolve everyone of everything while somehow still convincing you to hand over your money.
The return of capital to limited partners when a fund exits an investment, either as cash or occasionally as stock, representing the magical moment when paper gains become real money. The VC equivalent of actually getting your lottery winnings instead of just holding a ticket.
An investment strategy of making many small bets across a wide portfolio, hoping a few massive winners will compensate for numerous failures—essentially portfolio construction as gambling. The scatter-shot approach favored by funds who believe they can't predict winners.
The practice of revaluing portfolio companies to reflect current fair market value rather than cost basis, theoretically providing accurate fund performance but practically involving educated guesses and wishful thinking. Quarterly existential crisis as an accounting process.
Additional capital raised on the same terms as the previous round (like a Series A-1) rather than progressing to the next stage, buying time without the stigma of a flat or down round. The startup equivalent of taking an incomplete rather than failing the course.
The driving force or stimulus that gets something moving, whether it's a business initiative, social movement, or your motivation to finally start that side project. In startup land, it's whatever convinces founders they can disrupt an industry, usually a personal pain point or too much coffee. Think of it as the corporate equivalent of "what sparked this terrible/brilliant idea?"
A valuation metric calculated by dividing company valuation by annual revenue, popular in tech because it works even when profits are mythical. Allows investors to justify astronomical valuations by citing "industry standards."
Speeding up the vesting schedule of stock options, typically triggered by acquisition or termination. It's the consolation prize when your startup gets acquired and you're suddenly unemployed.
General Partner, the VC fund managers who make investment decisions and carry legal liability for the fund's operations. They're the ones whose names are on the door and whose reputations are on the line.
The total value returned to investors divided by the total amount invested, ignoring time. It's the simple, honest metric that tells you whether you made or lost money, period.