Disrupting disruption with disruptive disruptions since 2010.
The Silicon Valley term for replacing something that works fine with an app that does the same thing but with a subscription fee. Every startup claims to be disrupting something, the way every toddler claims to be helping with dinner.
The period where you pretend to be a detective, an engineer, and an accountant all at once to figure out if a property is a goldmine or a money pit. Spoiler: it's usually somewhere between "fine" and "oh no."
A startup valued at over ten billion dollars, because apparently unicorn wasn't exclusive enough and Silicon Valley needed a word that makes mythological creatures sound like a tiered loyalty program. Next up: hectocorn, at which point we're just making up zoo animals.
Equity allocated to former employees, advisors, or early team members who are no longer contributing to the company but still own shares. It's the corporate equivalent of paying rent for a ghost tenant.
A single slide in a pitch deck, often discussing one specific aspect of the business in vague, aspirational terms.
A funding round where a company raises money at a lower valuation than the previous round, which is the startup equivalent of your house being appraised for less than you paid for it, except everyone on Twitter knows about it. Morale is measured in tears per employee.
The return of capital to limited partners when a fund exits an investment, either as cash or occasionally as stock, representing the magical moment when paper gains become real money. The VC equivalent of actually getting your lottery winnings instead of just holding a ticket.
The act of reducing ownership percentage by issuing new shares, or what happens to founders' equity every time VCs open their checkbooks. In chemistry, it means adding solvent to weaken a solution; in startup world, it means your 50% stake just became 30% and you're supposed to smile because the company is now "worth more." The most expensive way to raise money without technically losing money.
A startup that returns an entire venture fund's value through a single investment, making every other deal in the portfolio irrelevant. Rarer than unicorns and more impactful than a hundred modest successes combined.
A provision forcing minority shareholders to join a sale if majority shareholders approve it, preventing holdouts from blocking acquisitions. Democracy dies in shareholder agreements.
Startups built on fundamental scientific breakthroughs rather than clever software—the kind of company that requires physics PhDs and takes 10 years to become profitable, beloved by investors who want long-term moonshots.
When a startup gets stuck endlessly perfecting their product demo instead of actually selling to customers or raising funds. It's the entrepreneurial version of rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.
Unspent capital sitting in a VC fund, waiting to be deployed into investments. The ammunition that lets VCs act fast when hot deals emerge or support portfolio companies needing emergency cash.
The speed at which a venture fund invests its committed capital, often scrutinized as a metric of both deal flow quality and fund discipline. Too slow suggests weak deal flow; too fast suggests poor judgment and FOMO.
The reduction in ownership percentage when additional shares are issued, especially painful in a down round where new shares are issued at a lower price. Watching your equity stake shrink while your company's value simultaneously decreases.
The specific order in which investment proceeds are distributed among LPs and GPs based on the fund's legal agreements. It's the pecking order that determines who eats first at the exit feast.
A toxic funding structure where conversion price drops as stock price falls, creating a downward spiral that destroys equity value. The financial equivalent of quicksand—struggling only makes it worse.
A funding round at a lower valuation than the previous round, signaling either terrible execution or terrible timing. Triggers anti-dilution provisions and existential crises among founders.
A contractual provision that lets majority shareholders force minority investors to join in selling the company, whether they like it or not. Democracy dies in cap tables.
The rate at which investment opportunities come across a VC's desk. Good deal flow means seeing quality startups before everyone else; bad deal flow means getting pitched by anyone with a Squarespace website and a dream.
Vesting acceleration that requires two events—typically an acquisition plus termination—before unvested shares become immediately vested. Single trigger's more reasonable younger sibling.
The exhaustion investors feel after reviewing hundreds of pitch decks that all blur together with the same buzzwords and hockey stick projections. It's why your 'revolutionary AI blockchain solution' makes their eyes glaze over.
The accumulating list of failed startups and failed startup founders—a real place we're all slowly joining.
The soul-crushing moment when a startup issues new shares, and existing shareholders watch their ownership percentage shrink faster than a wool sweater in a hot dryer. While you still own the same number of shares, you now own a smaller slice of the pie—assuming the company actually grows enough to justify the dilution. It's the price founders pay for other people's money, and the reason early employees cry into their vested options.