Disrupting disruption with disruptive disruptions since 2010.
When a company buys a failing startup primarily for its talent, with the product being immediately shut down. A face-saving exit that's really just an expensive recruiting strategy with better PR.
A financing so dilutive that existing shareholders are essentially wiped out, often following multiple bridge rounds and broken promises. The financial equivalent of starting over but with more emotional baggage.
A startup valued at over $1 billion that has never undergone the reality check of going public or getting acquired. Their unicorn status exists purely in the fantasy land of private market valuations.
Short for 'carried interest'—the percentage of fund profits that goes to VCs as performance compensation, typically 20%. It's why venture capitalists drive Teslas even when most of their portfolio is worthless.
The degree to which a founder's background, skills, and experience uniquely position them to solve a particular problem. The startup equivalent of being born for this moment, or at least having a plausible narrative for why you were.
A valuation metric calculated by dividing company valuation by annual revenue, popular in tech because it works even when profits are mythical. Allows investors to justify astronomical valuations by citing "industry standards."
A capital efficiency metric calculated as net burn divided by net new ARR, measuring how many dollars a company incincinerates to generate each dollar of recurring revenue. A burn multiple under 1.5x suggests efficiency; above 3x suggests a bonfire of investor capital.
The time window (usually 3-5 years) during which a venture fund actively deploys capital into new investments, after which the GP is supposed to stop writing checks and focus on managing the existing portfolio. Think of it as the VC equivalent of last call at the bar.
A glamorized term for someone who decided that working for themselves would be less stressful than having a boss (spoiler: they were wrong). These brave or foolish souls start their own ventures, risking everything from savings to sanity in pursuit of the dream of being their own boss and working only 80 hours a week instead of 40. Every LinkedIn bio now includes this word because 'unemployed but optimistic' doesn't have the same ring to it.
An investment strategy of making many small bets across countless startups, hoping a few will hit big enough to compensate for the inevitable carnage. The venture capital equivalent of buying lottery tickets in bulk.
The minimum annual return (typically 8%) that limited partners receive before general partners can claim carried interest, functioning as a hurdle rate to ensure LPs get paid first. Think of it as making the GP eat their vegetables before getting dessert.
A shareholder who has contractual rights to approve or block an acquisition or IPO, giving them veto power over exit decisions regardless of ownership percentage. Democracy in action, if democracy meant a small group could overrule the majority.
The VC who actually makes investment decisions and sits on boards, bearing unlimited liability but collecting management fees and carried interest. The person founders pitch to, hoping they're in a good mood.
Any exchange of goods, services, or money, elevated to sound more important when preceded by 'business' or followed by 'cost.' In startup world, it's the holy grail metric that proves people are actually using your product for its intended purpose rather than just kicking the tires. VCs obsess over transaction volume, transaction value, and transaction frequency as if counting exchanges of value will somehow predict the future.
An organizational dysfunction where the loudest voice wins every argument, regardless of actual merit or logic. Common in toxic startups and poorly-managed teams where decibel level is somehow confused with leadership ability, ensuring the best ideas often die in quiet corners while mediocre ones get screamed into existence.
A funding round where the company's valuation is explicitly set and shares have a specific price—as opposed to convertible instruments where everyone kicks the valuation can down the road. Forces uncomfortable conversations about what the company is actually worth.
Someone who gives you money in exchange for a piece of your company, future profits, or the thrill of watching their capital evaporate. They're either your best friend or worst nightmare, depending on whether your quarterly numbers are trending upward. In startup land, they're the people whose calls you always take.
A structural competitive edge that's difficult or impossible for competitors to replicate, like proprietary technology, exclusive partnerships, or regulatory capture. What founders claim to have and what actually exists rarely overlap perfectly.
The most stripped-down version of your product that customers will actually use without demanding a refund—or at least that's the theory. In practice, it's whatever you can ship before running out of money.
The magical realm where scientists play God with DNA and investors play roulette with their portfolios. Short for biotechnology, it's the industry that promises to cure cancer, extend your lifespan, and justify obscene R&D budgets—all while burning through cash faster than a lab incinerator. Whether it's CRISPR gene editing or synthetic biology, biotech is where biology meets business and hope meets hype.
A financing round raised at the same valuation as the previous round, suggesting a company has neither advanced nor declined—essentially treading water while burning cash. More diplomatically acceptable than a down round but almost as concerning to investors.
The person you start a company with based on four hours of friendship and mutual delusion, who will become either your closest ally or your most expensive breakup. Dating is easier than finding a compatible co-founder.
Sequential institutional funding rounds designated by letters, theoretically indicating maturity but practically just measuring how much money you've convinced people to give you. The alphabet of ambition.
Additional capital raised on the same terms as the previous round (like a Series A-1) rather than progressing to the next stage, buying time without the stigma of a flat or down round. The startup equivalent of taking an incomplete rather than failing the course.