Disrupting disruption with disruptive disruptions since 2010.
Later-stage funding rounds where the valuations get absurd and the investor meetings become increasingly surreal.
Additional revenue from existing customers (upsells, cross-sells, increased usage), the metric investors worship because it supposedly indicates product value and customer satisfaction.
When a product becomes more valuable as more people use it, creating a virtuous cycle of growth. It's the holy grail of startups because it creates defensibility that's hard to compete against.
A firm that builds startups from scratch by hiring teams, ideating problems, and taking equity stakes. It's like a VC that does the hard part for you, but also owns a chunk of your company and probably has opinions about your product.
The practice of startups claiming metrics that are wildly inflated—counting beta users as paying customers, or DAU as monthly recurring. It's lying, but with venture capital.
The amount of money a VC firm typically invests in a single startup. Larger firms write bigger checks, which shapes their investment thesis.
A group of experienced people who provide strategic guidance to your startup in exchange for equity and the dubious honor of helping you avoid catastrophic mistakes.
The VC philosophy of betting on billion-dollar outcomes rather than sustainable businesses, essentially asking startups to be either spectacular failures or astronomical successes with no middle ground.
Raising capital because competitors are raising, creating a false sense of urgency and resulting in overvalued rounds where founders convince themselves they're winning when they're actually losing market share.
A PowerPoint presentation that explains why your startup will either revolutionize the world or disappear within 18 months, with no middle ground. VCs will judge your entire company in 60 seconds based on your first three slides.
The right for existing investors to maintain their ownership percentage by investing in future rounds. It's investor speak for 'we get first dibs on new money.'
How much revenue from existing customers you retain (and grow through upsells) versus how much you lose to churn. The metric that determines if you're actually growing.
The phenomenon where your product becomes more valuable as more people use it—the holy grail of startup strategy because it creates defensible moats.
A person working inside a VC firm, usually a former founder, between startup gigs. The VC equivalent of being on a really well-paid bench.
The order in which classes of stock get paid in an exit event, determining who gets what money from the sale. The reason cap table lawyers exist and make inexplicably high hourly rates.
The unofficial group of founders and investors who've experienced a billion-dollar valuation or exit. It's exclusive, pretentious, and they'll definitely mention it.
How you get your product to customers—direct sales, self-serve, partnerships, affiliate networks, etc. Often the secret to success that founders ignore.
A venture fund's multiple of return—how much capital investors have received back for every dollar they invested. The VC equivalent of 'Did we make money?'
The cost to acquire a customer through direct sales, as opposed to marketing. Typically much higher than traditional CAC, which is why enterprise startups have 18-month sales cycles and lose their minds.
Simple Agreement for Future Equity—a legal document that converts to stock 'later,' making investors believe they're taking less risk than they are.
The panic investors feel when they suspect they're about to miss a hot deal or investment opportunity. The invisible hand that closes funding rounds at 11:59 PM on Friday.
A legal instrument creating a right for investors to purchase equity in a future priced round at favorable terms. Y Combinator's attempt to make early-stage investing 'simple' (it's not).
A founder who prioritizes profitability and sustainable growth over hypergrowth and scale. Basically a unicorn with stripes, or what founders call themselves when they can't attract venture capital.
An acquisition primarily designed to hire the team rather than use the product—basically human trafficking with a legal framework.