Acqhire

Definition

An acquisition primarily designed to hire the team rather than use the product—basically human trafficking with a legal framework.

Example Usage

We got acqhired for $10M, which sounds impressive until you realize it was really $200K per employee and the product is being shut down.

Origin

Portmanteau of 'acquisition' and 'hire,' popular in tech since the 2000s

Fun Fact

Acqhires don't result in real exits; they're basically a structured layoff with a slight financial upside for founders

Source: Venture capital and acquisition terminology

Related Terms

Advanced

catch-up provision

A term in VC fund agreements where once LPs get their initial investment back, GPs get an accelerated share of profits until their normal split is reached. Basically letting the manager 'catch up' to their 20% after paying back investors.

🚀 Startup / VC

Advanced

j-curve

The pattern where a venture fund initially shows negative returns as it deploys capital and pays fees, before (hopefully) shooting upward when investments exit. A graph that looks like the letter J, assuming your fund doesn't remain in the vertical downstroke forever.

🚀 Startup / VC

Intermediate

ownership target

The percentage of a company a VC aims to own to make an investment worthwhile relative to their fund size. It's why large funds often can't invest in your seed round—they need bigger slices.

🚀 Startup / VC

Intermediate

capital efficiency

The art of building a valuable company while raising as little outside funding as possible, preserving founder ownership and bragging rights. It's increasingly rare in an era of mega-rounds and bloated valuations.

🚀 Startup / VC

Beginner

zombie startup

A company that's neither thriving nor dying—generating just enough revenue to shuffle forward indefinitely but lacking the growth to succeed or the decency to fail completely. The undead of the startup ecosystem.

🚀 Startup / VC

Advanced

protective provisions

Veto rights that let preferred shareholders block certain major decisions like selling the company or raising more money. Democracy in theory, oligarchy in practice.

🚀 Startup / VC

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