The department that turned firing into a growth opportunity.
A digital platform where mandatory compliance training videos live, accumulating dust in your employees' browser tabs while they ignore the completion deadline.
The person responsible for firing you in the most professional way possible while maintaining the company's lawsuit-free status.
A contractual provision preventing employees from saying negative things about the company publicly, often included in severance agreements.
A crack in the workplace team morale—the metaphorical chasm that develops when colleagues stop getting along. Could also be that literal awkward silence during meetings when disagreement becomes impossible to ignore.
A labor model where companies hire contractors instead of full-time employees, avoiding benefits while pretending to offer 'flexibility.'
A flexible career progression model allowing lateral moves, not just vertical climbs. Corporate acknowledgment that not everyone wants to manage people.
Relating to parents or behaving like a parent—the HR-approved way to discuss family dynamics in the workplace. Describes policies and attitudes that acknowledge people have kids and sometimes need to act like adults about it.
A performance goal framework where objectives must be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound—which is mostly ignored when vague aspirations are involved.
A roster of employees or contractors who are between projects and waiting for their next assignment, like substitutes warming up on the sidelines.
An employee identified as having the potential for significant career advancement. Also known as 'the person we're grooming to take over, but we haven't told them they're destined for leadership.'
Work beyond the minimum required, performed voluntarily. The metric companies use to measure if you actually care.
A scheme where you get a monetary reward for convincing your friends to work at your company, hoping they forgive you if it doesn't work out.
Workers eligible for overtime pay, also known as 'hourly employees' who at least have the legal protection of getting paid for extra work.
A tax-advantaged account for healthcare expenses that few employees actually maximize because who tracks medical spending like an accountant?
Providing employees training and development to improve their existing skills or learn new ones, supposedly preparing them for future roles before they inevitably jump to competitors.
Identifying and developing employees to take over key roles. The executive version of hoping someone else wants the next-level job.
Corporate initiatives addressing employee physical and mental health. Often includes gym memberships, meditation apps, and the expectation that stress is personal, not structural.
The variety of different people in an organization in terms of race, gender, age, ability, and other characteristics. Measured extensively, reported optimistically, ignored in promotion decisions.
The expedited release of equity compensation to employees, often triggered by changes in control or termination events. The 'golden parachute for non-executives.'
The brief window when employees can choose their health insurance plans, usually managed by a benefits coordinator and understood by nobody.
The HR department's way of packaging salary, health insurance, and the promise of work-life balance into one tidy compensation package.
Holding a second job or working for a competitor during off-hours. Most employment contracts treat this like treason.
The elimination of a job position, making the employee redundant. British English for 'layoff' but somehow sounds more civilized.
The range of salaries approved for a specific job level or position. It's the bandwidth in which you can be paid to do your job.