The department that turned firing into a growth opportunity.
The HR department's way of packaging salary, health insurance, and the promise of work-life balance into one tidy compensation package.
The person responsible for firing you in the most professional way possible while maintaining the company's lawsuit-free status.
A contractual provision preventing employees from saying negative things about the company publicly, often included in severance agreements.
An organization known for being an excellent place to work, attracting and retaining top talent. It's the goal every company aspires to; few actually achieve it.
That magical time when you're temporarily excused from adulting—HR's polite way of saying 'go away and stop sending emails.' A formal period when employees are released from their obligations, though modern culture ensures they'll check their inbox anyway.
The expedited release of equity compensation to employees, often triggered by changes in control or termination events. The 'golden parachute for non-executives.'
The process of standardizing job levels and titles across an organization so that compensation can be fairly determined before someone inevitably discovers they're underpaid anyway.
Providing employees training and development to improve their existing skills or learn new ones, supposedly preparing them for future roles before they inevitably jump to competitors.
Money paid to employees who agree not to leave after a merger or acquisition, essentially paying people to stay longer at a party they're already considering leaving.
To flatten organizational hierarchies by removing management layers, supposedly to speed up decision-making but often just creating chaos and title inflation for remaining managers.
Compensation arrangements where employees forgo current earnings in exchange for higher payments in the future, often including stock options, RSUs, or non-qualified deferred compensation plans. It's basically a promise: 'we'll pay you later... probably.'
A scheme where you get a monetary reward for convincing your friends to work at your company, hoping they forgive you if it doesn't work out.
Workers eligible for overtime pay, also known as 'hourly employees' who at least have the legal protection of getting paid for extra work.
The variety of different people in an organization in terms of race, gender, age, ability, and other characteristics. Measured extensively, reported optimistically, ignored in promotion decisions.
An assessment identifying the difference between an organization's current capabilities and the skills needed for future goals, often revealing uncomfortable truths.
Identifying and developing employees to take over key roles. The executive version of hoping someone else wants the next-level job.
The range of salaries approved for a specific job level or position. It's the bandwidth in which you can be paid to do your job.
What HR says when they're actually paying you 10% below market rate. It's competitive in the sense that they're competing to keep costs low.
DEI—organizational initiatives aimed at recruiting diverse talent, ensuring equitable treatment, and fostering inclusive cultures. The corporate response to 'we should probably fix systemic problems,' with varying degrees of sincerity.
A labor model where companies hire contractors instead of full-time employees, avoiding benefits while pretending to offer 'flexibility.'
A roster of employees or contractors who are between projects and waiting for their next assignment, like substitutes warming up on the sidelines.
A flexible career progression model allowing lateral moves, not just vertical climbs. Corporate acknowledgment that not everyone wants to manage people.
Relating to parents or behaving like a parent—the HR-approved way to discuss family dynamics in the workplace. Describes policies and attitudes that acknowledge people have kids and sometimes need to act like adults about it.
A tax-advantaged account for healthcare expenses that few employees actually maximize because who tracks medical spending like an accountant?