Disrupting disruption with disruptive disruptions since 2010.
Later-stage funding rounds (C, D, E, F, etc.) for companies approaching profitability or dramatic growth. The venture capital equivalent of 'we've lost count.'
A mechanism where existing users naturally bring in new users, creating exponential growth without paid advertising. It's the holy grail that almost nobody actually achieves.
A startup that's past the early stage and trying to grow as fast as possible. It's the phase where you hire thousands of people who aren't sure what the product is.
The process of determining whether you've achieved product-market fit—usually involving delusional founders, skeptical board members, and contradictory metrics.
Financially obliterated; what happens when you've spent all your capital on ideas that looked good on a napkin at 2 AM. A state every entrepreneur fears and half have experienced.
Distributed to Paid-In Capital—the ratio showing how much cash a VC fund has returned to investors relative to what was invested, the only metric VCs care about more than founders' happiness.
The price per share at which employees can exercise their stock options. Set artificially low so they can actually afford to buy their equity on the off chance it's worth something.
The introduction of something new—a fresh idea, process, or product that differs from the status quo. The corporate world's favorite word to slap on anything that isn't from 1987.
Sequential funding rounds labeled alphabetically, each supposedly representing the company's progression from barely-viable to 'we probably need more money anyway.'
Simple Agreement for Future Tokens—a legal instrument for investing in future cryptocurrency tokens, for when you want equity but make it crypto.
A market opportunity that nobody has thoroughly exploited yet, either because it's genuinely undiscovered or because nobody cares.
A wooden stick driven into the ground to mark territory or prop things up, or in the business world, the percentage ownership or financial commitment you have in a deal. High stakes mean high risk and high reward; low stakes mean you're testing the waters.
In startup context: begging investors for money while pretending your MVP with zero revenue is worth millions. The permanent state of a founder's existence between pivots.
Investor insurance that says 'your loss is our gain' in math form. When a down round happens, this clause adjusts the math.
Taking investor money in tranches rather than waiting for a formal funding round close, a practice that sounds efficient but often indicates the fundraising process isn't actually complete.
The portion of the TAM that you can realistically capture with your current product and go-to-market strategy. It's your TAM divided by 'actually achievable' and 'not pure fantasy.'
How much money your subscription business expects to make monthly from existing customers. The metric that makes founders feel slightly less broke.
Being the first to boldly venture into uncharted territory—whether that's a new market, technology, or increasingly, a niche on TikTok. The marketing term for 'we did it before it was cool.'
Sequential rounds of venture capital funding, each alphabetically closer to either massive success or spectacular failure.
The percentage of revenue retained from existing customers after accounting for churn and expansion revenue. It's the metric that separates SaaS unicorns from SaaS failures.
A professional investor who manages pools of money from institutions and wealthy individuals, and who will explain why your startup needs to 10x to be worthwhile.
Groups of angel investors or VCs pooling resources to make a larger investment than they could individually, because apparently teamwork makes the dream work.
A business innovator who shakes up stagnant industries with fresh ideas instead of recycling the same tired playbook everyone else follows.
A carefully crafted 60-second monologue designed to convince investors that your app idea will revolutionize humanity, delivered with the energy of someone who hasn't slept in 48 hours.