The department that turned firing into a growth opportunity.
HR's gentle word for firing someone, borrowed from the language of divorce to make termination sound like a mutual decision. It implies both parties sat down and agreed to part ways when in reality one party did all the sitting and the other did all the parting.
An adjective meaning your project involves people from different departments who have never spoken to each other and have conflicting priorities. Cross-functional collaboration is when everyone brings their own agenda to a meeting and calls it teamwork.
The strategic process of predicting how many humans you'll need in the future, which is about as accurate as weather forecasting but with higher stakes. By the time the plan is finalized, three people have quit and the budget has been cut.
A colorful diagram that shows who reports to whom, updated approximately never and accurate for about 48 hours after each reorganization. It's the corporate family tree, except family trees don't have dotted-line relationships.
A trusted coworker you can rely on during workplace crises, conflicts, or political battles—your corporate survival partner. They'll cover your back during layoffs and won't throw you under the bus when projects fail.
The clinical, robotic word for firing someone that makes it sound like deactivating a piece of equipment. HR uses it because saying "we ended a human's livelihood" doesn't fit neatly in a dropdown menu.
A one-time payment rather than a permanent salary increase, letting companies reward employees without committing to higher ongoing costs. It's like getting a bonus disguised as a raise—exciting today, forgotten tomorrow.
The resume buzzword that means you're willing to do literally anything because you're desperate to seem valuable. Describes someone who can competently juggle multiple tasks, though 'competently' is doing some heavy lifting here. The corporate equivalent of a Swiss Army knife, except you're the knife and your employer keeps finding new things to cut.
A salary raise based on individual performance rather than cost-of-living adjustments or tenure. It's the carrot companies dangle to make you work harder, usually sized more like a baby carrot than a normal one.
The state of not being present where you're expected to be, meticulously tracked by HR departments with the enthusiasm of bounty hunters. In corporate settings, unplanned absences are treated like minor felonies, while planned ones require filling out forms in triplicate six months in advance. The number one cause of passive-aggressive emails from managers who 'just wanted to check in' about your whereabouts.
A fancy rebrand of 'recruiter' that sounds like someone who hunts rare Pokémon instead of scrolling through LinkedIn all day. The terminology inflation makes the job sound strategic and elite, when really it's still just trying to fill Jennifer's position after she left for better pay.
That document you spend hours perfecting to summarize your entire professional existence into one or two pages, which recruiters will skim in approximately six seconds. It's supposed to showcase your skills and experience without lying too obviously, formatted in a way that's both ATS-friendly and human-readable. The verb form means to continue something you paused, like your career after explaining that two-year gap.
Illegally treating employees as independent contractors to avoid taxes, benefits, and labor protections. It's wage theft with extra steps and a business model for the gig economy.
A notice period where departing employees remain on payroll but are barred from working or accessing company resources, preventing them from sharing secrets with competitors. Paid time off for being too dangerous to keep around.
Full-Time Equivalent, a unit of measurement that reduces human beings to fractions. You might be 1.0 FTE, 0.5 FTE, or, if you're on three cross-functional committees, approximately 3.7 FTE squeezed into one salaried body.
An employee marked for accelerated development and advancement. Often the target of 'special projects' that nobody else wants.
Long-tenured employees who no longer contribute effectively but are difficult to remove due to organizational inertia or legal protections. They're the human equivalent of that clutter you keep meaning to throw out but never do.
The practice of openly sharing salary ranges, compensation formulas, or actual employee pay—radical honesty that supposedly reduces wage gaps but makes everyone uncomfortable at company parties.
A structured program where you learn a trade by actually doing it under an expert's guidance, as opposed to modern education where you rack up debt reading about it. The original learn-while-you-earn model that combines hands-on training with getting paid, proving our ancestors understood work-life balance before it was a buzzword. Historically how people became blacksmiths; today, how people become electricians without student loans.
The corporate buzzword for giving employees just enough authority to feel important without actually changing power structures or decision-making hierarchies. This feel-good initiative involves delegating responsibility (but rarely resources) while management maintains veto power over everything important. It's what happens when companies want engagement without surrendering actual control—autonomy theater at its finest.
Immediately disqualifying a candidate without serious consideration, usually based on obvious disqualifying factors or minimum requirements. It's the HR equivalent of swiping left.
An organizational policy allowing flexible work arrangements—words on a document that managers interpret however they wish.
Paid time off that's definitely not a vacation, given while the company investigates whether you did something fireable. It's the corporate equivalent of "go to your room while we decide your punishment."
The concentration of high performers within an organization, measuring how many stars versus slackers occupy your office chairs. Netflix famously champions high talent density, believing one brilliant engineer beats three mediocre ones.