The department that turned firing into a growth opportunity.
HR's gentle word for firing someone, borrowed from the language of divorce to make termination sound like a mutual decision. It implies both parties sat down and agreed to part ways when in reality one party did all the sitting and the other did all the parting.
The process of identifying who will take over key roles when current leaders leave, retire, or ascend to a higher plane of executive retreat. In practice, it means everyone secretly knows who the backup is except the backup, who finds out the day their predecessor quits.
An invisible barrier preventing women and minorities from advancing to senior leadership positions, despite qualifications. A metaphor that's unfortunately more durable than glass.
Expanding a role to include higher-level responsibilities and decision-making authority to increase motivation and satisfaction. Unlike job enlargement, this actually adds meaningful work rather than just more work.
A subjective assessment of whether a candidate will mesh with existing team dynamics and company values, often used as a polite cover for 'we just didn't vibe with them.' Has been criticized for perpetuating homogeneity and unconscious bias.
Illegally treating employees as independent contractors to avoid taxes, benefits, and labor protections. It's wage theft with extra steps and a business model for the gig economy.
The non-monetary rewards of a job like satisfaction, prestige, or meaningful work. It's what employers offer when they can't offer competitive salaries, as if pride pays student loans.
A notice period where departing employees remain on payroll but are barred from working or accessing company resources, preventing them from sharing secrets with competitors. Paid time off for being too dangerous to keep around.
Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act—allows employees to continue health insurance after leaving, at eye-watering full cost. It's the law that proves your employer was subsidizing most of your healthcare all along.
A contract restricting employees from joining competitors or starting competing businesses for a specified period after leaving. Increasingly unenforceable legally but still used to intimidate departing employees.
A systematic approach to improving organizational effectiveness through planned interventions, change management, and cultural transformation. HR's attempt to apply social science to fixing workplace dysfunction.
A life insurance policy taken out by a company on critical employees whose death would cause significant financial loss. Your employer literally betting on how much your demise would cost them.
The personality trait where people recharge by being alone rather than socializing, contrary to popular belief that introverts are just awkward or antisocial. Psychologists use this term to describe a fundamental aspect of temperament, not a character flaw requiring fixing. In modern workplace culture, it's become shorthand for "please stop forcing me into team-building activities."
The movement of employees between roles, departments, or locations within the same organization. Companies love promoting it as a benefit while simultaneously blocking transfers to keep you trapped in your current role.
A structured classification system organizing every conceivable workplace skill into hierarchies and categories, because HR loves nothing more than turning human capabilities into sortable databases. It's the Dewey Decimal System, but for your career.
The art of making an employee's job so unpleasant they quit voluntarily, avoiding the legal and financial costs of termination. It's constructive dismissal with a euphemistic name and plausible deniability.
A ruthless performance management system that ranks all employees against each other and automatically fires the bottom performers, regardless of absolute performance levels. It's corporate social Darwinism with spreadsheets.
An organization's reputation as an employer and the value proposition it offers to potential and current employees. It's marketing, but aimed at people you want to exploit—er, employ.
The engagement process between accepting a job offer and the first day of work, designed to keep candidates excited and prevent them from ghosting. It's like dating after getting engaged—you've committed, but someone might still get cold feet.
A group of related positions sharing similar skills, responsibilities, and career progression paths, allowing HR to organize compensation and development logically. It's the Linnaean taxonomy approach to corporate hierarchy, minus the Latin names.
Following an employee around during their workday to observe and learn about their role. Like being someone's awkward, silent companion for eight hours while pretending to absorb information.
A theoretical management approach where employees can discuss concerns with leadership anytime without fear of reprisal. In reality, it's a trap—the door may be open, but your career prospects close the moment you walk through it with bad news.
Someone currently employed and not actively job hunting, but potentially open to the right opportunity. Recruiters love them because they're harder to get and therefore must be better, like that restaurant with no reservations.
A legally binding agreement specifying terms of employment including duties, compensation, and termination conditions. Rare in the U.S. where at-will employment reigns, but standard elsewhere in the civilized world.