The department that turned firing into a growth opportunity.
The HR function responsible for managing the relationship between employer and employees, or as employees call it, the complaint department.
Measurable metrics that track employee or company performance. They're how HR translates 'are you doing your job?' into data.
Officially assigned or appointed to a specific role, duty, or responsibility—basically getting picked first, but sometimes you don't want to be picked.
A defined-contribution retirement savings plan sponsored by employers in the U.S., named after the IRS tax code section. The primary vehicle Americans use to pretend they're saving adequately for retirement while knowing they aren't.
Compensation that's supposedly aligned with market rates for similar positions in similar industries. It's what companies claim when they're actually paying 15% below market.
Anonymous employee testimonies about company culture, used by HR to understand why they can't hire anyone. They rarely like what they find.
A scheduling arrangement where employees can choose their hours, provided they arrive at 8am, attend 10am meetings, and stay until the work is done at 7pm.
A corporate initiative to improve workplace representation while maintaining that the hiring pool was 'just not diverse enough.'
A website where employees anonymously trash-talk their employers and ruin the company's reputation before HR can intervene.
A public numerical score (typically 1-5 stars) on Glassdoor reflecting company reputation as an employer. The metric that keeps HR professionals awake at night and triggers emergency action plans when it drops.
The period when an employee is fully paid but has no assigned project, secretly the best part of consulting life.
The framework determining how and how much employees are paid, including base salary, bonuses, commissions, and equity. The secret formula you'll never fully understand because HR refuses to make salary bands public.
A third-party organization that legally employs staff on behalf of another company, handling payroll, benefits, and compliance. When you want employees but don't want the legal responsibility of actually employing them.
A goal-setting framework where employees set ambitious targets they'll miss by 30% and pretend it's motivational.
Working whenever, wherever you want—as long as it's basically 9-5 in your home office instead of the corporate office.
The times you must be working even with flexible schedules, usually 10 AM to 4 PM, which defeats the purpose of flexibility.
Scientific evaluation using tests to measure personality, intelligence, or job fit; supposedly objective but often validates whatever bias you already had.
A psychological evaluation tool measuring personality traits, work style, and behavioral tendencies of job candidates or employees. HR's attempt to predict future behavior using standardized questionnaires, despite personality being way more complex than a 30-minute assessment.
The strategic approach to attracting, developing, retaining, and deploying human capital. Sounds data-driven and impressive; usually means 'we hope our good people don't leave.'
See 360-degree feedback; essentially the same thing with a fancier name. It's still Yelp for coworkers, just with more steps in the documentation.
The art of keeping various groups happy—executives, employees, regulators, and lawyers—usually by disappointing everyone equally.
The software that filters job applications using algorithms, responsible for 75% of qualified candidates never being seen by human eyes.
The contract clause that promises if you quietly disappear and don't bad-mouth the company, they'll quietly disappear too. Prevents you from telling the truth about why you actually left.
Information gathered about competitors' compensation, benefits, and practices to inform HR strategy—corporate espionage but legal and boring.