Performance Management

Definition

The ongoing process of setting goals, monitoring progress, and documenting reasons to fire people later, usually disguised as 'development conversations.'

Example Usage

My performance management review was fair, except the goal-setting was arbitrary and the bar seemed to move whenever I got close.

Origin

Formalized as a system in the 1970s-80s, replacing simple annual reviews.

Fun Fact

Only 25% of employees understand how their performance is evaluated.

Source: Standard HR management practices

Related Terms

Intermediate

outplacement services

Career counseling and job search support provided to terminated employees, usually as part of a severance package. A company paying someone else to help you find a new job after they fired you.

👥 Human Resources

Beginner

job shadowing

Following an employee around during their workday to observe and learn about their role. Like being someone's awkward, silent companion for eight hours while pretending to absorb information.

👥 Human Resources

Intermediate

player-coach

A manager who still does individual contributor work while managing others, essentially two jobs for slightly more than one salary. It sounds empowering but usually means you're understaffed.

👥 Human Resources

Beginner

dismissal

The corporate euphemism for 'you're fired,' packaged in HR-approved terminology to minimize lawsuit potential. It's the formal act of showing someone the door, stripping them of their position, and sending them home to update their LinkedIn profile. Whether you call it dismissal, termination, or 'pursuing other opportunities,' it still means cleaning out your desk by 5 PM.

👥 Human Resources

Intermediate

Non-Compete Clause

A legal agreement preventing employees from working for competitors after leaving. Controversial because it often favors the employer.

👥 Human Resources

Intermediate

stretch assignment

A challenging project or role slightly beyond an employee's current capabilities, designed to accelerate development. Corporate speak for 'we need this done but don't want to hire someone qualified.'

👥 Human Resources

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