Buzzwords that make boardrooms spin and PowerPoints sing.
Documentation of decisions, communications, and transactions that proves what actually happened when someone inevitably denies everything. The CYA strategy in physical or digital form.
A resignation notice that provides minimal notice period, typically given when an employee has already checked out mentally. The professional equivalent of ghosting your employer.
To formally transform your side hustle into a real business entity, complete with bylaws and the legal right to be sued. In the corporate world, it also means to seamlessly blend something in, like incorporating feedback you'll promptly ignore. The ultimate act of making it official, whether you're mixing ingredients or mixing business structures.
Corporate jargon for giving teams the tools, training, or resources they need to do their jobs—because apparently "support" wasn't fancy enough. It's particularly popular in sales contexts, where it means showering reps with content, training, and software they may or may not actually use. The term makes basic workplace support sound like a strategic initiative worthy of its own department and budget.
A standard or benchmark used to judge, evaluate, or make decisions about something—basically the ruler you measure things against. In tech and business, criteria are the specific requirements something must meet, like performance benchmarks or quality standards. The singular form that everyone forgets exists because "criterias" sounds so much more natural (but remains grammatically wrong).
The slow-motion demolition job that Mother Nature pulls off for free, whether through glaciers scraping rock like a cosmic cheese grater, water wearing down cliffs like a persistent toddler, or the gradual unraveling of something once solid. In business-speak, it's what happens to your market share when you ignore innovation.
The person or entity whose money you desperately want, requiring you to pretend their feedback is valuable and their complaints are reasonable. In corporate speak, they're always right, even when they're spectacularly wrong. Modern businesses have rebranded them as "users," "clients," or "guests" to make the transaction feel less transactional.
Spreading resources, attention, or budget thinly across all initiatives rather than concentrating on priorities, ensuring mediocrity everywhere. The 'everyone gets something' strategy that guarantees nothing succeeds spectacularly.
A product development approach where discovery and delivery work happen simultaneously on parallel tracks. A noble attempt to do research and execution at the same time that usually results in doing both poorly.
A fancy French word for a file folder that makes your collection of documents sound way more mysterious and important than 'Dave's Performance Reviews.' It's a comprehensive collection of papers and information about a person or subject, typically used when someone needs to build a case, conduct due diligence, or dramatically slam papers on a desk. The business equivalent of receipts.
Corporate-speak for 'unemployed but trying to sound sophisticated about it.' It's the professional euphemism that turns 'I got laid off' into something that sounds almost intentional and growth-oriented. The LinkedIn equivalent of 'it's not you, it's me' but for your career status.
Approving something without actually reviewing it, like a board of directors who've completely checked out. It's due diligence for people who'd rather be golfing.
A strategic analysis framework (Value, Rarity, Inimitability, Non-substitutability) that you were supposed to learn in business school, except your professor got distracted talking about economic moats for a month straight. Now you're staring at the exam wondering why those four weeks of rambling didn't actually teach you how to use the damn thing.
The unglamorous but essential art of getting the right stuff to the right place at the right time without everything going catastrophically wrong. It's the behind-the-scenes choreography that makes modern life possible—from Amazon deliveries to military operations. Supply chain wizards who master logistics are the reason you can order toilet paper at 2 AM and have it by noon.
The office nickname for anyone radiating maximum crankiness, whether from PMS, lack of coffee, or just their baseline personality setting. Gender-neutral despite the name, a bitter betty can strike anywhere, anytime, turning meetings into emotional minefields. They're the human equivalent of a Monday morning.
What happens when the first alignment didn't work out, requiring a strategic do-over. Whether it's organizational restructuring, shifting company priorities, or admitting the original plan was garbage, realignment is corporate-speak for 'we need to try this again.' It's alignment's second chance at making everything work together.
The corporate equivalent of ghosting, where a caller is placed on hold with absolutely zero intention of ever returning to help them. It's passive-aggressive customer service at its finest—why hang up when you can let them marinate in elevator music forever? The digital age's answer to 'let me transfer you to someone who cares' (narrator: no one cares).
A projection of annual revenue based on current performance, assuming nothing changes ever—which it always does. Financial crystal ball gazing disguised as analysis.
The corporate principle that someone, somewhere, should theoretically be responsible for outcomes, though determining exactly who remains mysteriously elusive during crisis moments. This obligation to answer for results and maintain accurate records sounds great in mission statements but often vanishes faster than donuts in a breakroom. It's the business world's favorite buzzword that everyone demands but few actually practice.
A reporting relationship indicating informal authority or secondary accountability, as opposed to a solid-line direct report. It's organizational ambiguity formalized, where you have responsibility without power.
Corporate-speak for "let's pretend our previous strategy never happened and try something else." This strategic pivot involves redirecting attention, resources, or priorities when management realizes they've been staring at the wrong target. It's the business equivalent of saying "my bad" while pretending it was the plan all along.
A project management concept representing how forecast accuracy improves as you get closer to a deadline, visualized as a cone narrowing over time. It's why your six-month estimate is essentially a dart throw blindfolded.
A deliberately false or misleading story that somehow gains traction despite being completely untrue—basically fake news before we had a catchy term for it. In aviation, it also refers to an aircraft design with stabilizing wings in front of the main wing, because apparently one definition wasn't confusing enough. The food term refers to duck, but that's just French being French.
A middle manager who achieved their position through sheer luck, political maneuvering, or simply not being fired yet—armed with no actual competence, decision-making ability, or understanding of the work they oversee. They're the bureaucratic void between leadership and reality.