Buzzwords that make boardrooms spin and PowerPoints sing.
The impossibly long list of standards used to judge or evaluate something, usually inflated beyond all reason in job postings. Singular form is 'criterion,' but nobody uses it correctly anyway. These are the hoops you make candidates jump through before ultimately hiring your CEO's nephew.
Being included in important decisions, a metaphorical privilege that somehow requires constant reminding that you're supposed to be grateful for it.
Gartner's proprietary market research format positioning vendors on axes of 'completeness of vision' and 'ability to execute.' The astrology chart of enterprise software that somehow influences billion-dollar purchasing decisions.
The corporate comfort blanket meaning something has been organized, arranged, or given a framework instead of operating like a chaotic fever dream. Business types deploy this to describe everything from data to meetings to finance products that have rules and hierarchies. It's code for "we thought about this for more than five minutes and made some boxes to put things in."
When a company controls multiple stages of production or distribution within its supply chain, from raw materials to final sale. The corporate equivalent of growing your own vegetables, milling your own flour, and baking your own bread.
To perform calculations or financial analysis, often said by people who have no intention of actually doing the math themselves. The prelude to finding out you can't afford it.
An old-school acronym meaning "pretty damn quick" that your grandfather probably used unironically. This vintage expression for speedy action has survived decades by being just ambiguous enough for polite company while everyone knows what the D really stands for. The linguistic equivalent of a wink and a nod.
A secretive project team operating with minimal oversight to develop innovations rapidly, named after a moonshine still in a comic strip and appropriated by Lockheed Martin.
Isolated pockets of knowledge or data that aren't shared across an organization, creating inefficiency and redundancy. The natural state of every company despite expensive collaboration tools designed to prevent it.
Short for representative, because politicians and salespeople alike are too busy to say the whole word. In fitness, it's one complete exercise movement; in politics, it's the person supposedly speaking for your interests in government; in sales, it's whoever's trying to meet their quarterly quota by calling you during dinner. The context determines whether you're counting them, electing them, or avoiding their calls.
To increase or accelerate something, whether it's production, hiring, or the pace of bad decisions. Implies a smooth upward trajectory that rarely manifests in reality.
A leadership style where executives fly in, make noise, dump criticism on everything, then leave while others clean up the mess. Involves zero context and maximum disruption.
Data analysis results that supposedly inform decisions, as opposed to the regular insights that just sit there being useless. Marketing's way of justifying another dashboard.
Information specific enough to actually act upon, as opposed to the vague insights and useless data that comprise most business reports.
A formal group of people appointed to accomplish a specific task, investigate an issue, or make decisions, typically through the most inefficient process possible. These organizational constructs are where action items go to die and meetings multiply like rabbits, operating under the principle that no one person should be held accountable when a group can share the blame. The corporate world's favorite way to look busy while avoiding actual decisions.
A group creativity session where everyone throws ideas at the wall to see what sticks, usually involving whiteboards and someone saying 'there are no bad ideas' right before judging all the ideas. It's the corporate world's favorite way to democratize innovation while often producing committee-designed camels. When it works, it's brilliant; when it doesn't, it's just a really expensive meeting.
The British spelling of authorization, proving once again that the Atlantic Ocean adds unnecessary vowels to perfectly good words. This formal permission-granting process works identically to its American counterpart, involving official sanction and documentation. It's the same bureaucratic blessing, just spelled with more letters for that distinguished Commonwealth flair.
Someone who answers a call to action, whether that's an emergency, a survey, or a wedding invitation that should have been sent back weeks ago. In emergency services, these are the heroes who show up when things go sideways; in marketing, they're the rare souls who actually click on your email. The term makes "person who responds" sound official enough to justify a title.
The art of making something someone else's problem while still taking credit if it succeeds. It's a group of representatives sent to negotiate or discuss issues, or the management technique of assigning tasks to subordinates because you're 'too strategic' for actual work. The corporate skill that separates executives from employees.
The prefix that makes everything sound more official and standardized, as in ISO certifications that prove your company follows internationally agreed-upon rules. Also tech slang for 'isolation' or disk image files. Basically, it's shorthand for 'we're doing this by the book (the international book).'
A quantifiable metric used to evaluate success in meeting objectives. The numbers your boss obsesses over and that determine whether you get a bonus or a performance improvement plan.
The position or tenure of serving as chairman, the person who presides over a board, committee, or organization. It's the corporate throne where one gains the power to control meeting agendas and interrupt people with authority. Despite attempts to modernize to "chairpersonship," most people just say "chair" now and avoid the linguistic gymnastics.
A metric supposedly measuring what matters, inevitably gaming behavior as people optimize for the KPI rather than actual success. Commonly abbreviated to KPI by people who measure many things and understand few.
In chess, the expendable foot soldier you sacrifice to position your real pieces. In business and politics, it's a person or company used by a larger power to achieve their goals, typically while the pawn remains clueless about the endgame.