Buzzwords that make boardrooms spin and PowerPoints sing.
A fancy French word for a file folder that makes your collection of documents sound way more mysterious and important than 'Dave's Performance Reviews.' It's a comprehensive collection of papers and information about a person or subject, typically used when someone needs to build a case, conduct due diligence, or dramatically slam papers on a desk. The business equivalent of receipts.
Corporate-speak for 'unemployed but trying to sound sophisticated about it.' It's the professional euphemism that turns 'I got laid off' into something that sounds almost intentional and growth-oriented. The LinkedIn equivalent of 'it's not you, it's me' but for your career status.
The official act of slapping a label, title, or purpose onto something or someone, because nothing is real until it has proper paperwork. This formal appointment process turns regular employees into "Senior Vice Presidents" and empty land into "Protected Wildlife Habitats." It's essentially bureaucracy's way of making everything official through the sacred ritual of naming things.
Business-to-Robot, the emerging field of companies selling products and services directly to AI agents and automated systems rather than humans. Because why market to carbon-based life forms when silicon is more profitable?
The impossibly long list of standards used to judge or evaluate something, usually inflated beyond all reason in job postings. Singular form is 'criterion,' but nobody uses it correctly anyway. These are the hoops you make candidates jump through before ultimately hiring your CEO's nephew.
An acronym for 'damned if I do, damned if I don't'—the ultimate no-win scenario where every choice leads to the same disappointing outcome. Perfect for describing situations where you're screwed either way.
The act of making plans that sound impressive in meetings but may or may not survive contact with reality. The business world's favorite activity, involving whiteboards, buzzwords, and conviction that this time the plan will actually work. Can range from legitimate tactical planning to elaborate ways of avoiding actual work.
When your equipment or vehicle is actually doing useful work with cargo or passengers, as opposed to running empty like your promises to get in shape. Every business wants maximum loaded miles and minimum deadheading.
Someone who makes things happen by providing support or resources—or in the darker sense, someone who helps others continue destructive behaviors by removing consequences. In corporate settings, it's usually positive: the person who unblocks obstacles and empowers teams. In personal contexts, it's the friend who keeps lending money to your gambling habit.
Making trivial changes or improvements to something that's fundamentally doomed to fail. Rearranging superficial elements while ignoring the iceberg-sized problems.
A senior executive who serves as second-in-command, ready to step into the top role when needed, or more commonly, someone who runs an important division while collecting an impressive title. In startups, vice-presidents multiply like rabbits; in established corporations, becoming one actually means something. The corporate equivalent of being heir to the throne, except with more spreadsheets.
A professional expert hired at exorbitant rates to tell organizations what their own employees already knew but couldn't get anyone to listen to. These specialized advisors swoop in with PowerPoint presentations and industry buzzwords, offering solutions that range from genuinely insightful to 'have you tried turning it off and on again?' The business world's favorite expensive band-aid for avoiding internal accountability.
A group of directors, trustees, or advisors who collectively govern an organization and make strategic decisions, theoretically. In practice, it's where senior executives gather quarterly to eat catered sandwiches and rubber-stamp decisions already made by the CEO. Board meetings: where PowerPoint presentations go to pretend they matter.
A top-down information flow where messages trickle from executives through management layers to front-line employees, losing clarity and gaining confusion at each level like a game of corporate telephone.
The art of everyone leaving slightly unhappy but still functional, where opposing parties meet in the middle and pretend they're satisfied. In business, it's how deals get done when neither side will budge completely. In data security, it's the nightmare scenario where your system's been breached and sensitive info may have leaked—definitely not the feel-good version.
In business, the person whose job is to predict how much something will cost, usually by combining experience, educated guessing, and prayer. In statistics, it's a mathematical function used to approximate population parameters from sample data, which sounds fancy but is basically sophisticated guessing with formulas. Either way, they're professionally calculating things that are inherently uncertain.
The corporate euphemism for buying stuff, elevated to department status because apparently "shopping" doesn't sound professional enough for a Fortune 500 company. This is where purchase orders go to die and vendors go to lose their minds dealing with approval chains longer than a CVS receipt.
To steal credit or money from people who trust you, typically in a professional context—a reference to controversies surrounding comic legend Stan Lee's crediting practices. It's when your boss puts their name on your PowerPoint and gets promoted for it. The workplace betrayal that makes you understand why people quit.
Decisions imposed from executives downward without input from people who actually do the work, ensuring maximum misunderstanding and resentment.
Corporate-speak for 'daydreaming with a PowerPoint deck,' where executives gather to imagine future success without worrying about pesky details like budgets or reality. It's the art of creating aspirational statements that sound profound in all-hands meetings but mean absolutely nothing by Tuesday. When someone schedules a 'visioning session,' bring your buzzword bingo card.
The practice of keeping your email inbox empty or nearly empty at all times, achieving temporary peace of mind before the next email arrives 30 seconds later. A Sisyphean task disguised as productivity.
The position or tenure of serving as chairman, the person who presides over a board, committee, or organization. It's the corporate throne where one gains the power to control meeting agendas and interrupt people with authority. Despite attempts to modernize to "chairpersonship," most people just say "chair" now and avoid the linguistic gymnastics.
The dark art of slapping dollar signs on products in a way that maximizes profit while making customers feel like they're getting a deal. It involves complex strategies like psychological pricing ($9.99 instead of $10), competitive analysis, and occasionally just throwing darts at a board. Get it wrong and you're either leaving money on the table or watching customers flee to your competitors.
The corporate sin of turning the perfectly good noun 'action' into a verb meaning to execute or complete a task. Because apparently 'doing' things is too pedestrian for the modern workplace.