Disrupting disruption with disruptive disruptions since 2010.
A go-to-market strategy where the product itself drives customer acquisition, retention, and expansion rather than traditional sales teams. Users fall in love before ever talking to a salesperson.
Emergency financing raised by a struggling startup at unfavorable terms just to avoid immediate shutdown. It's the fundraising equivalent of pulling the ripcord on a failing skydive.
The strategy for how a fund allocates capital across different investments, stages, sectors, and check sizes. The art of arranging your bets so at least one or two have to work out mathematically.
A provision requiring existing investors to participate in future funding rounds or lose their special privileges. The venture capital equivalent of 'use it or lose it.'
The mathematical reality that in venture capital, one or two investments generate nearly all the returns while the rest are mediocre or dead. Why VCs can lose money on 90% of their portfolio and still return 3x the fund.
A funding round where the company's valuation is explicitly set and shares have a specific price—as opposed to convertible instruments where everyone kicks the valuation can down the road. Forces uncomfortable conversations about what the company is actually worth.
A punitive clause forcing existing investors to participate in future rounds or lose their special privileges—the venture capital equivalent of 'put up or shut up.' Popular after market downturns when companies need to separate real believers from fair-weather friends.
The right to participate in future financing rounds to maintain ownership percentage, preventing dilution through passive-aggressive legal provisions. Pro rata rights by another name, somehow more intimidating.
The startup mantra that romanticizes abandoning your original business plan when it becomes clear nobody wants what you're building. It's plan B through Z, pitched as strategic thinking rather than desperate flailing.
The AARRR framework measuring Acquisition, Activation, Retention, Referral, and Revenue—the key metrics for growth-stage startups. Named because AARRR sounds like a pirate, which is somehow still funny to founders.
Fake stock that feels like ownership but isn't, giving employees the illusion of having skin in the game without actual legal rights. It's participation trophy capitalism.
When VCs make investment decisions based on superficial similarities to previous successful startups rather than rigorous analysis. It's why they love Stanford dropouts building social apps in their dorm rooms.
An investment opportunity sourced exclusively by one firm rather than through competitive process. The venture capital equivalent of finding $20 in your coat pocket—rare, lucky, and probably won't happen again.
A funding round with so many small investors that the cap table looks like a nightclub guest list—lots of names, minimal commitment from anyone. Usually signals either a hot deal everyone wants a piece of, or a desperate founder who couldn't land a lead investor.
The hierarchical order in which different classes of investors get paid during an exit, determined by liquidation preferences from multiple funding rounds. It's a legal game of Jenga where common stockholders usually lose.
A VC who claims they'll actively help your company through connections, advice, and support, as opposed to just wiring money. Reality: they'll make three intros, attend two board meetings, then ghost you unless you're a unicorn.
Veto rights that let preferred shareholders block certain major decisions like selling the company or raising more money. Democracy in theory, oligarchy in practice.
The time required for an investment fund to return its original capital to LPs through exits and distributions. It's the VC equivalent of asking 'when do I get my money back?'