Disrupting disruption with disruptive disruptions since 2010.
A strategic change in business direction that's celebrated in Silicon Valley but called failure literally everywhere else. It's the entrepreneurial equivalent of missing your exit on the highway and announcing you meant to take the scenic route.
The mythical moment when your product perfectly matches what customers want, described by VCs as essential but defined by no one in any useful way. It's like obscenity -- you know it when you see it, and most startups never see it.
The earliest stage of startup funding, which is a polite way of saying you're raising money based on nothing but a dream, a napkin sketch, and the audacity of a person who has never run a business. It's called pre-seed because the seed hasn't even been planted yet -- you're basically fundraising with dirt.
The right to participate in future financing rounds to maintain ownership percentage, preventing dilution through passive-aggressive legal provisions. Pro rata rights by another name, somehow more intimidating.
What investors claim your company is worth before they invest—a number that's actually meaningless but gets thrown around in press releases. Add the investment amount to get post-money, which is what your ownership percentage is actually based on.
Company valuation after investment capital is added, the number founders brag about while carefully omitting the 'post-money' qualifier. What your company is theoretically worth with someone else's money included.
The contractual right of existing investors to lead or participate in the next funding round before the company can seek outside investors. It's a first-look deal built into your cap table.
Investment opportunities sourced through unique channels rather than pitch competitions and cold emails, giving VCs the illusion they've discovered something competitors haven't. Usually just means they have better interns.
A provision requiring existing investors to participate in future funding rounds or lose their special privileges. The venture capital equivalent of 'use it or lose it.'
Veto rights that let preferred shareholders block certain major decisions like selling the company or raising more money. Democracy in theory, oligarchy in practice.
The company valuation publicly announced or reported in the press, which may differ from the effective valuation once liquidation preferences and other terms are factored in. It's the Instagram filter for startup valuations.
The hierarchical order in which different classes of investors get paid during an exit, determined by liquidation preferences from multiple funding rounds. It's a legal game of Jenga where common stockholders usually lose.
The minimum annual return (typically 8%) that limited partners receive before general partners can claim carried interest, functioning as a hurdle rate to ensure LPs get paid first. Think of it as making the GP eat their vegetables before getting dessert.
The lower compensation that employees accept to work at mission-driven startups or in attractive industries like gaming or entertainment. Employers exploit your dreams to underpay you.
The mathematical reality that in venture capital, one or two investments generate nearly all the returns while the rest are mediocre or dead. Why VCs can lose money on 90% of their portfolio and still return 3x the fund.
The time required for an investment fund to return its original capital to LPs through exits and distributions. It's the VC equivalent of asking 'when do I get my money back?'
A funding round where the company valuation is explicitly set and shares are sold at a specific price per share, unlike convertible instruments that defer pricing. It's the grown-up version of fundraising, with actual valuations and everything.
The AARRR framework measuring Acquisition, Activation, Retention, Referral, and Revenue—the key metrics for growth-stage startups. Named because AARRR sounds like a pirate, which is somehow still funny to founders.
The cultural expectation in startup ecosystems that successful entrepreneurs and investors should help newcomers, supposedly creating a virtuous cycle. In practice, it's often networking disguised as altruism.
A startup valued at over $1 billion that has never undergone the reality check of going public or getting acquired. Their unicorn status exists purely in the fantasy land of private market valuations.
An investment opportunity sourced exclusively by one firm rather than through competitive process. The venture capital equivalent of finding $20 in your coat pocket—rare, lucky, and probably won't happen again.
Services and resources VC firms provide beyond capital, such as recruiting help, PR support, or customer introductions. Marketing speak that ranges from genuinely useful to completely fictional.
The fancy business term for a proposal or offer, usually dressed up with adjectives like 'value' or 'unique' to make it sound more impressive than 'hey, wanna buy our stuff?' In startup pitch decks, the 'value proposition' is that one slide where founders explain why anyone should care about their idea, typically using a Venn diagram that doesn't quite make sense. A good proposition answers 'what's in it for me?' before the listener falls asleep.
When VCs make investment decisions based on superficial similarities to previous successful startups rather than rigorous analysis. It's why they love Stanford dropouts building social apps in their dorm rooms.