Numbers dressed up in fancy suits pretending to be words.
The accounting practice of acknowledging that everything you own is slowly becoming worthless, which is depressing when applied to assets and relatable when applied to your car. It's basically writing a slow obituary for office furniture.
A brief recovery in stock price after a steep decline, named after the morbid observation that even a dead cat will bounce if dropped from high enough. Wall Street has always had a way with words, and this particular gem proves that financial analysts shouldn't be allowed to name things.
The investment strategy of not putting all your eggs in one basket, which is excellent advice until you have to figure out how many baskets to buy. It's how financial advisors tell you they don't know what will go up, so they're betting on everything.
The period where you pretend to be a detective, an engineer, and an accountant all at once to figure out if a property is a goldmine or a money pit. Spoiler: it's usually somewhere between "fine" and "oh no."
A financial instrument whose value is derived from something else, like a bet on a bet, which is exactly as stable as it sounds. They played a starring role in the 2008 financial crisis, proving that when you stack enough abstractions on top of each other, reality eventually comes knocking.
A fancy legal term for embezzlement that makes stealing company funds sound almost scholarly. It's the misappropriation of money held in trust or fiduciary capacity, often discovered when the auditors start asking uncomfortable questions.
The polite accounting term for 'the numbers don't match and someone's either incompetent or stealing.' These are inconsistencies between what should be and what actually is in financial records, inventory counts, or data sets. Finding discrepancies is either the start of a really boring afternoon of reconciliation or a really exciting fraud investigation.
Money you owe someone else, transforming your future earnings into their present income. It's the financial arrangement that keeps credit card companies, student loan servicers, and your anxiety levels thriving. Accountants prefer to call it "leverage" when they want to make it sound strategic rather than terrifying.
That magical quarterly payment when a company actually shares its profits with shareholders instead of hoarding every penny for executive bonuses. In math class, it's the number getting divided; in real life, it's your reward for believing in capitalism. Think of it as the corporate world's version of saying 'thanks for believing in us' with actual money instead of just pizza parties.
The fancy way to say 'fork over the cash,' typically used when governments or large organizations finally release funds they've been sitting on. It's the financial equivalent of a parent grudgingly handing over allowance money. Always sounds more dignified than 'pay out,' which is exactly why accountants love it.
Crypto-bro battle cry meaning 'Divine Anarchy Gonna Make It,' the hopium-infused mantra chanted when an NFT project's floor price goes up. It's the digital asset equivalent of manifesting abundance, except with more blockchain and fewer vision boards.
The exhaustion of a resource faster than it can naturally replenish itself, whether that's oil reserves, soil nutrients, or your marketing budget by mid-quarter. In accounting, it's the method for allocating the cost of extracting natural resources. Basically, fancy terminology for "we used it all up."
To place valuables, documents, or funds into safekeeping with another party, often as collateral or for storage—the formal way of saying 'I'm leaving this with you and I expect it back.'
Financial instruments whose value is derived from some underlying asset, essentially bets on bets that get so complex even the people trading them need flowcharts. These include options, futures, swaps, and other products that made 2008 interesting. They're tools for hedging risk or speculation, depending on whether you're being responsible or reckless.
The foundational accounting system where every transaction affects at least two accounts, ensuring the books always balance through equal and opposite entries. It's the yin and yang of accounting, except with more debits.
The uncomfortable moment when your investment portfolio decides to take an unscheduled vacation to lower valuations, or when you deliberately deplete resources like troops, funds, or your emergency whiskey stash. In finance, it's the peak-to-trough decline that makes investors question all their life choices. Essentially, it's the distance between 'I'm a genius' and 'I should have bought bonds.'
A person or entity that owes money, making them the star of collection agencies' dreams and creditors' spreadsheets. In bankruptcy proceedings, they're the main character in a financial tragedy. Distinguished from a borrower by the implication that payment is overdue or the relationship has gone south.
A price reduction that makes accountants slightly nervous because it means less margin, but customers absolutely love it.
The average number of days a company takes to pay its suppliers, calculated by dividing accounts payable by daily cost of goods sold. Low numbers mean you're a prompt payer; high numbers mean you're using suppliers as a free bank.
A fancy term for items that trigger customs duties when crossing borders, because apparently governments never met a transaction they didn't want to tax. If you're importing it and the taxman wants a cut, congratulations—it's dutiable. This word exists primarily to make customs forms sound more official than "stuff we're charging you extra for."
The average number of days it takes to collect payment after a sale, abbreviated as DSO. It measures how long customers ignore your invoices before grudgingly paying—lower is better unless you enjoy running a free lending operation.
The number that gets to boss around the dividend in a division problem. In finance and analytics, it's whatever metric you're dividing by to make your data look smarter—revenue per employee, users per server, suffering per leadership decision.
A leverage metric comparing total liabilities to shareholder equity, revealing whether a company is conservatively financed or one recession away from bankruptcy. Financial analysts' favorite way to judge how recklessly a company borrows.
In finance, assets or companies in serious financial trouble, teetering on the edge of bankruptcy or default—basically the business equivalent of a fire sale. Distressed debt trades at steep discounts because there's a real chance investors will lose everything, attracting vulture funds who specialize in profiting from others' misery. Also describes furniture made to look old on purpose, but that's significantly less financially devastating.