BeginnerMy Immortal
Fanfiction supposedly written by a one, Terra Gillespie. Though many theorize that this work and it's author are entirely satire.
If it is satire, it is on an Andy Kaufman level of genius.
The story stars Terra as Ebony Dark'Ness Dementia Raven Way. A self described goff (spelling Goth with oddly situational Cockney phonetics) vampire (with straight teeth) who loves Hot Topic and hates herself some "prepz" (A word I never heard anyone, outside of a high school, speak with any sincerity short of A.C. Slater from Saved by the Bell.
The story features many unique and unfortunate points of interest.
1. Virtually every chapter starts with the author yelling and swearing at the reader base. Threatening to stop writing if at least five good reviews aren't posted. Essentially holding crap for hostage.
2. Character names are apparently suggestions. Each character, including her own, is systematically misspelled in a way that puts the greatest telemarketers to shame. Watching her try to spell "McGonagall" is sad, like watching a limbless man in a three legged race.
3. Harry Potter is now a vampire and, in a veritable orgy of creativity, refers to himself as "Vampire".
4. Dumbledore swears like a sailor. Dropping more f-bombs than a Dennis Leary standup set.
5. Voldemort gives Ebony a gun at one point to kill Vampire Potter, and speaks in Ye' Olde Rene Faire Englishe.
6. Ebony is in a gothic metal band called "Bloody Gothic Rose 666". Apparently they sound like a mix of between Good Charlette, Slipknot, My Chemical Romance and really bad idea.
other members are B'loody Mary (her jack off friend), Vampire, Draco, Ron (aka Diabolo) and motherfucking HAGRID (on washboard bass).
7. Apparently the dress code of Hogwarts has been replaced with a giant, magic Hot Topic that Good Charlotte routinely plays concerts at. I also hear Fred and George are now running the Hogsmeade Mall's Spender Gifts selling magic animated porn postcards, tin ankh/pentagram/potleaf jewelry and,
📱 Gen-Z / Internet Slang