Ontboarding

Definition

The process of integrating a new employee into a company, involving paperwork, passwords, and a slow realization they made a huge mistake.

Example Usage

Our onboarding process takes three weeks and mostly consists of clicking 'I agree' on legal documents.

Source: Human resources and organizational development

Related Terms

Intermediate

Calibration (Calibration Session)

A meeting where managers discuss and align on employee performance ratings to ensure consistency and eliminate bias, often degenerating into political negotiation.

👥 Human Resources

Intermediate

time to fill

The metric measuring days from posting a job opening until an offer is accepted. It's how recruitment teams are judged, incentivizing speed over quality in hiring decisions.

👥 Human Resources

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Diversity and Inclusion

The strategic effort to create workplaces that welcome and support people from different backgrounds. Easy to talk about; genuinely difficult to implement without tokenism.

👥 Human Resources

Intermediate

pay transparency

The practice of openly sharing salary ranges, compensation formulas, or actual employee pay—radical honesty that supposedly reduces wage gaps but makes everyone uncomfortable at company parties.

👥 Human Resources

Intermediate

Employee Engagement

A metric that measures how enthusiastic employees are about pretending to be enthusiastic about work. Companies spend millions trying to improve it when the real answer is usually "pay people more and stop scheduling 8 AM Friday meetings."

👥 Human Resources

Intermediate

vetting

The bureaucratic obstacle course of background checks, reference calls, and invasive questioning designed to ensure you're 'safe' before they commit. It's HR's way of covering their liability while pretending to protect organizational integrity.

👥 Human Resources

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