Definition

The process of overwhelming a new employee with 47 hours of training videos, 12 HR forms, and a buddy system where your assigned buddy quit last week. It's like drinking from a fire hose, except the hose is filled with compliance modules.

Example Usage

"Our onboarding process is best-in-class," bragged the HR director about a program that left new hires unable to find the bathroom for their first three weeks.

Related Terms

Beginner

constructive feedback

Criticism delivered in a way that's supposedly helpful and developmental rather than purely negative. It's the art of telling someone they're failing while maintaining the illusion of support.

👥 Human Resources
Beginner

above my pay grade

A decision too important or risky for one's position, or more honestly, something you want no responsibility for when it inevitably goes wrong.

💼 Corporate / Business
Beginner

delegate

To assign tasks or authority to someone else, typically because you're either empowering your team or drowning in work (usually the latter). Also refers to a representative sent to conferences or legislative bodies to vote on behalf of others. The corporate skill that separates good managers from control freaks.

💼 Corporate / Business
Intermediate

COBRA

Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act—allows employees to continue health insurance after leaving, at eye-watering full cost. It's the law that proves your employer was subsidizing most of your healthcare all along.

👥 Human Resources
Intermediate

progressive discipline

A structured approach to correcting employee behavior through escalating consequences—verbal warning, written warning, suspension, termination. The corporate equivalent of 'three strikes you're out,' but with more paperwork.

👥 Human Resources
Intermediate

comp and ben

Shorthand for compensation and benefits that makes HR people feel like insiders while discussing how little they can get away with paying you. It's the package that's supposed to make up for soul-crushing work, but usually just includes dental.

👥 Human Resources

Translate This Term

See “Onboarding” in Corporate Speak, Gen-Z Slang, Pirate Speak, and more.

Try the Translator

Share This Term

Post on XShare on FacebookShare on LinkedIn

Discover a Term

Beginner

zulu time

Military designation for Coordinated Universal Time (UTC), formerly Greenwich Mean Time, allowing global forces to coord...