ESOP

Definition

Employee Stock Ownership Plan—where startups promise employees equity that will be worthless if the company doesn't exit, incentivizing everyone to work for free in the hopes of distant riches.

Example Usage

We're offering everyone stock options vesting over 4 years, which means you're essentially working for 25% less salary in exchange for potential future wealth that probably won't materialize.

Origin

Formalized in US law as a retirement and incentive mechanism; adapted by startups circa 1980s-1990s

Fun Fact

Studies show startup employees overvalue equity by 3-5x its expected value, making ESOPs an exceptionally efficient way to pay below-market salaries

Source: Employee compensation and equity terminology

Related Terms

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general partner

The VC who actually makes investment decisions and sits on boards, bearing unlimited liability but collecting management fees and carried interest. The person founders pitch to, hoping they're in a good mood.

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nurture

In startup circles, the delicate art of hand-holding your leads, customers, or portfolio companies through their developmental journey with strategic attention and resources—because apparently letting things grow naturally is for gardeners, not venture capitalists.

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commercialization

The process of taking an idea, product, or technology and transforming it into something that actually makes money, because apparently innovation for its own sake doesn't pay the bills. It's the startup world's coming-of-age ceremony, where brilliant concepts either become profitable products or expensive lessons. Essentially, it's the bridge between "we built something cool" and "people are actually buying it."

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SaaS Metrics

The constellation of measurements VCs obsess over (MRR, ARR, CAC, LTV, churn) that supposedly predict success but often just delay the realization that your growth is unsustainable.

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NPS

Net Promoter Score—a survey asking customers how likely they are to recommend you (0-10). Mostly used to confirm whatever founders already believe about customer satisfaction.

🚀 Startup / VC

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B2B (Business to Business)

Selling to other companies rather than consumers, typically involving longer sales cycles and higher contract values.

🚀 Startup / VC

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