Agile marketing

Definition

A desperate attempt to apply software development's agile methodology to marketing because someone read one book and thought iterations could solve everything.

Example Usage

We're switching to agile marketing, which means we'll fail faster and iterate quicker, hopefully arriving at the same conclusions eventually.

Origin

Adopted from Agile software development in the mid-2010s

Fun Fact

Agile marketing sprints are ironically the least agile thing in most organizations—budget approvals alone take three quarterly reviews

Source: Marketing management and methodology frameworks

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The actual cost to acquire one customer after all is said and done—the metric that separates marketing theater from marketing accountability.

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The mean time users spend on your website before leaving or falling asleep, whichever comes first. A vanity metric that correlates with engagement unless your site is just really confusing.

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Persona

A fictional character representing your ideal customer, complete with a stock photo name and backstory more detailed than most Netflix characters. Marketing teams create them to feel like they understand their audience, then ignore them completely when making actual decisions.

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segments

In marketing, the practice of dividing your audience into smaller groups based on demographics, behavior, or psychographics so you can target them with laser precision. It's like organizing your contacts into friend groups, except way more invasive and profitable. The more segments you have, the more you can pretend you understand human behavior.

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newsjacking

The practice of inserting your brand into breaking news or trending topics to hijack attention for marketing purposes. Opportunism disguised as timely relevance.

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drop-off

A sudden decrease in quantity, participation, or performance, or the place where you abandon your kids/packages/passengers for someone else to deal with. In business metrics, it's that terrifying moment when your chart takes a nosedive and you need to explain to your boss why engagement fell off a cliff. Also conveniently describes what happens to New Year's gym memberships by February.

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