underwater

Definition

When a program's expenses exceed its revenue, threatening its existence. Also accurately describes how faculty in those programs feel when administration starts circling with budget cuts.

Example Usage

The Classics department has been underwater for three years, and the dean is making ominous noises about 'right-sizing' and 'strategic priorities.'

Origin

Business terminology adopted by higher education financial management

Fun Fact

Liberal arts programs are frequently underwater by traditional metrics because they don't account for the general education service load that subsidizes STEM programs

Source: Higher education financial management terminology

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flunk out

The informal but universally understood term for being dismissed from an institution due to poor academic performance. It's the outcome students fear and parents dread, carrying more emotional weight than the sanitized official language of 'academic dismissal.'

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MOOC

Massive Open Online Course—free or low-cost online classes promising to democratize education by reaching thousands simultaneously. Initially hyped as higher education's disruptor, most have completion rates under 10%, proving that 'free' and 'massive' don't automatically equal 'effective.'

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service load

The unglamorous committee work, student advising, and administrative tasks that professors must perform beyond teaching and research. It's the academic equivalent of doing dishes - necessary but never what got you excited about the job.

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GPA

Grade Point Average -- a single number that supposedly represents four years of intellectual growth but mostly reflects your ability to choose easy professors and drop classes before the deadline. It ranges from 0.0 to 4.0, with your self-worth mysteriously following the same scale.

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contact hour

A unit measuring actual instructional time between faculty and students, typically equating to one 50-60 minute class session. The currency of academic workload calculations and accreditation requirements.

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scutwork

The tedious, menial academic tasks that consume your time without advancing your career - grading multiple choice tests, filing paperwork, attending mandatory training on things you already know. The academic equivalent of busywork.

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