Definition

Employee Assistance Program—a confidential service offering counseling, legal advice, and wellness resources, theoretically showing the company cares about your mental health while spending minimal money on actual support. The corporate equivalent of thoughts and prayers.

Example Usage

If you're feeling burned out from the 70-hour work weeks, don't forget we offer an EAP with three free counseling sessions.

Origin

Emerged in the 1970s, evolving from occupational alcoholism programs of the 1940s-50s

Fun Fact

EAP utilization rates are typically under 5%, either because employees don't know about it or don't trust that it's actually confidential.

Source: Employee benefits and wellness terminology

Related Terms

Beginner

assessments

The corporate ritual of evaluating, measuring, and quantifying things—whether it's employee performance, property value, or how badly a project is going. It's the professional wrapper around judgment calls, complete with forms, metrics, and the illusion of objectivity. Everyone loves talking about "360-degree assessments" until they're the ones being assessed.

👥 Human Resources
Beginner

intern

A person working for experience instead of money, which is definitely a fair trade according to your employer. Often found fetching coffee and mastering the art of looking busy while learning that their degree taught them nothing about the actual job. The term technically means someone imprisoned, which feels surprisingly accurate around month three.

👥 Human Resources
Beginner

appraisals

The formal judgment of someone's value or performance, usually delivered in a conference room that smells like stale coffee and broken dreams. In HR contexts, it's that annual ritual where your boss tells you that your 'growth opportunities' are really just code for 'things you're bad at.' In real estate, it's the number that determines whether your refinance dreams live or die.

👥 Human Resources
Beginner

requisition

The formal request to hire for an open position, requiring approval from multiple levels of management. The bureaucratic hurdle between 'we need someone' and actually posting a job.

👥 Human Resources
Beginner

total rewards package

HR speak for 'your salary is disappointing, but look at all these other things!' A combination of pay, benefits, and perks designed to distract you from the fact that your base compensation hasn't kept up with inflation.

👥 Human Resources
Intermediate

skip level meeting

A one-on-one conversation between an employee and their manager's manager, bypassing the direct supervisor. Designed to provide leadership visibility but often feels like your boss is being investigated.

👥 Human Resources

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