Definition

The impossibly long list of standards used to judge or evaluate something, usually inflated beyond all reason in job postings. Singular form is 'criterion,' but nobody uses it correctly anyway. These are the hoops you make candidates jump through before ultimately hiring your CEO's nephew.

Example Usage

According to our criteria, we need someone with a PhD, 15 years of experience, and willingness to work for entry-level pay.

Source: Merriam-Webster via common usage

Related Terms

Beginner

structured

The corporate comfort blanket meaning something has been organized, arranged, or given a framework instead of operating like a chaotic fever dream. Business types deploy this to describe everything from data to meetings to finance products that have rules and hierarchies. It's code for "we thought about this for more than five minutes and made some boxes to put things in."

💼 Corporate / Business
Intermediate

Waterfall

A project management methodology where you plan everything upfront, follow the plan rigidly, and then act surprised when nothing works at the end. Named after a waterfall because once you go over the edge, there's no going back -- only screaming.

💼 Corporate / Business
Intermediate

enabler

Someone who makes things happen by providing support or resources—or in the darker sense, someone who helps others continue destructive behaviors by removing consequences. In corporate settings, it's usually positive: the person who unblocks obstacles and empowers teams. In personal contexts, it's the friend who keeps lending money to your gambling habit.

💼 Corporate / Business
Advanced

Paradigm Shift

A fancy way of saying things are changing, deployed to make mundane policy updates sound like civilization-altering events. Updating the break room coffee machine has been called a paradigm shift at least once in every Fortune 500 company.

💼 Corporate / Business
Beginner

responder

Someone who answers a call to action, whether that's an emergency, a survey, or a wedding invitation that should have been sent back weeks ago. In emergency services, these are the heroes who show up when things go sideways; in marketing, they're the rare souls who actually click on your email. The term makes "person who responds" sound official enough to justify a title.

💼 Corporate / Business
Beginner

hallmark

A distinguishing feature that screams 'this is definitely the real deal' or 'made by someone who knows what they're doing.' Originally the official stamp proving your gold was actually gold and not just shiny brass, now it's any characteristic that defines quality or authenticity. It's the marker of legitimacy, whether on precious metals or in describing someone's distinctive style.

💼 Corporate / Business

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Paradigm Shift

A fancy way of saying things are changing, deployed to make mundane policy updates sound like civilization-altering even...