anaesthetic

Definition

The blessed substance that prevents you from feeling the surgeon's scalpel or remembering the horror of your wisdom teeth extraction. It's a drug that reduces pain perception by numbing areas locally or knocking you completely unconscious, depending on how invasive the procedure and how much you trusted that "this won't hurt" lie. Modern medicine's gift to squeamish humans everywhere who'd rather not experience their own surgery.

Example Usage

The anaesthetic wore off three hours after my root canal, and I suddenly understood why they gave me those heavy-duty painkillers.

Source: Common medical terminology

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Advanced

mesoderm

The middle child of embryonic tissue layers that grows up to become your muscles, bones, and circulatory system. While the ectoderm gets all the glory (hello, brain and skin) and the endoderm handles the gut work, the mesoderm is literally holding you together. Medical students memorize this during their first anatomy nightmare—er, semester.

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A single, large dose of medication given all at once, typically intravenously. The medical equivalent of ripping off a band-aid instead of peeling it slowly.

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Advanced

dermic

Medical jargon for anything relating to the dermis or skin, because apparently "skin-related" was too pedestrian for the medical establishment. Used by dermatologists who need to sound more impressive when they're really just talking about your outer layer. It's the difference between saying "skin cream" and "dermic therapeutic application."

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Beginner

pathology

The medical specialty studying the nature, causes, and effects of diseases through laboratory examination of tissues, cells, and bodily fluids—essentially, the detective work of medicine. Pathologists are the doctors who rarely see living patients but whose microscope work determines everyone else's treatment plans. It's also where medical students go to avoid actual patient interaction while still being smugly correct about diagnoses.

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Protocol

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